Can I Keep in Contact with a Suitor That My Parents Rejected?

Shafi'i Fiqh

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I am interested in marrying someone from my work, and he has proposed. My parents have refused him based on cultural differences without getting to know him. Am I still allowed to keep in contact with the brother without telling my parents because I hope they will agree one day? If so, to what extent and how can we keep in touch? Would another third party suffice if parents aren’t willing to be a third party? And what are the rulings on being able to contact him by text message directly?

Answer

In the name of Allah, Most Merciful and Most Compassionate.

Parent’s Approval

Thank you for your question. Sister, you have not procured your parent’s approval yet, but you should sit down with them and find out how likely they will change their minds. I don’t want you to waste your time with this brother if nothing comes of it. I don’t recommend that you keep in touch with him unless there is light at the end of the tunnel. You should certainly not stay in touch with him without telling them your intentions. If they urge you not to, you should abstain.

Istikhara

As always, pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance, and ask Allah to guide you concerning this man. It may come positive or negative; you should act accordingly. In terms of text messaging, you should only do so out of necessity. It is not suitable for you to deepen this relationship if there is no future. If you cannot convince them, cut him off cold turkey with an honest explanation. Time will make it heal by the grace of Allah.

Never Fear

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return. [Ahmad]

Please see the following links for more information:
Marriage & Dealing With Parents
Reciting Ya Sin so Parents Accept My Choice for Marriage
Supplicating So Parents Accept My Choice for Marriage

May Allah give you the best of both worlds.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. he then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. fterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. he later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.