Is My Wife Divorced If I Thought of Her While Speaking About Divorce?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

I converse with my wife, narrating stories about other people’s divorces. Upon mentioning “divorce” in one of these stories, I couldn’t help but think of my wife. Consequently, after these discussions, I am concerned about the validity of my own marriage. Does this render the divorce valid, and what action should I take?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate. May Allah alleviate our difficulties and guide us to what pleases Him. Amin.

Fleeting thoughts of one’s wife while merely discussing divorce (whether in theory or about other people) will not affect one’s marriage.

Fleeting Thoughts and Waswasa

These thoughts should categorically be ignored. Sacred Law is not trying to trick people out of their marriages. There was no divorce in this case. Allah is Merciful and does not take His servants to task for what they have no control over. These are Satan’s games, and Allah knows best.

Avoid Speaking About Others’ Personal Lives

Importantly, avoid discussing the personal lives of others. This may lead to backbiting (ghiba), which is an enormity in Islam. Especially avoid discussing matters about divorce when it may cause doubts and waswasa, and Allah knows best.

Allah (Most High) says: “Neither backbite one another. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? You would hate it (so hate backbiting). And fear Allah. Verily, Allah is the One Who forgives and accepts repentance, Most Merciful” [Quran, 49:12]

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Do you know what ghiba (backbiting) is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He said, “Saying something about your brother that he dislikes.”

It was said, “What if what I say about my brother is true?” He said, “If what you say is true, then you have engaged in backbiting about him, and if it is not, then you have slandered him.” [Muslim]

I pray this is of benefit and that Allah guides us all.
[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Muhammad Abu Bakr Badhib

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. For the last five years till present, he has served as the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.