Does Pre-marital Sex Make Marriage Obligatory with the Same Person in Islam?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I want to know if there is, in Islam, a similar ruling as stated in the Bible in Exodus 22:16 and Deuteronomy 22: 28-29. If a woman and man commit the act of intimacy, does he have to give dowry to the woman and marry her as it says in the Bible? Are there any rulings to protect the honor of the woman? I am a virgin in love with a man I was texting romantically. He is in Egypt, and I live in Mexico. I became Muslim for him and wanted only to marry him, but I kept texting. I used to make tawba and prayed for it to become halal. He did tell me halfway through that we were only friends and could never marry, but I didn’t believe it. One day, he got engaged to someone else and broke my heart. I feel ashamed and degraded, but he says he never touched me, so my honor is intact. Is there any recourse, or do I have to accept the consequences of this misfortune?
Can I demand nothing? Can I pray for justice and that he be punished? Can I pray that his wedding doesn’t work out? Can I request a public apology? Can I travel where he is and get a wali to fight for my rights? Can I invalidate his marriage? Can I tell his fiance everything? I can’t forgive and forget until he fixes his offense to my honor. It is not fair he got the blessing of marriage while I had been waiting to marry him since we met. Don’t advise me to look for another man. It is an insult after I already gave honor to one. I can’t love another man. I want to keep the love I feel because it is pure and doesn’t deserve to be discarded. Maybe it was born out of something haram, but I regret it and want to fix it. Can I demand he marry me?
I am very sorry for your pain and troubles. You became attached to this man and fell in love even though marriage would have been almost impossible. I pray that you can heal from this and see that you still have much good to do in your life as a new Muslim.
In answer to your question, no, there is nothing in Islam similar to the Biblical ruling that a man must marry a woman that he fornicated with. In Islam, a woman and man must take preventive measures from falling in love and deal with the consequences if they fornicate.
The brother is correct in that he did not touch you, so you have not fornicated with him physically, although the fornication of the eyes and tongue was also a sin. I strongly urge you to repent for this romantic texting and relationship. One should not give one’s heart to any man until after he has given her a marriage contract. Islam has taught us that this is the only way to protect ourselves.
You don’t need to look for another man; now is not the right time. Unfortunately, you cannot demand anything from him now, and traveling to his country to fight for your rights is wrong because an unmarried girl with an online boyfriend has no rights in the shari’a. The wisest thing for you to do right now is to focus on your relationship with Allah Most High.
Take a course on Seekers to learn your personally obligatory knowledge. You can also take a course on marriage, halals and harams, and other beneficial understanding. Start with tawba, pray on time five times a day without fail, cover yourself correctly when you leave the house, pay your zakat on time, respect your parents, and learn about the life of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, and commit to following him.
Please cut the boy out of your life, delete his number, and don’t contact him again. He has moved on, and the quicker you move on, the better. You cannot demand anything from him, not even an apology. It takes two to be in a relationship, and you are as guilty as he is. May Allah facilitate your affairs and set you on a more fulfilling and happy life. Thank Allah that He brought you to Islam through this, the greatest blessing of all.
Check this link:
I Am in Love with Someone Who Does Not Love Me. What Do I Do?
Hope this helps
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.