What To Do Since My Husband Is Caving into His Parents to Leave Me?
Shafi'i Fiqh
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My husband and I married without his family’s approval, and they want us divorced. He struggles to stand up for our marriage due to their control and is considering a two-year break until he finishes school.
I don’t want this and want him to stand up for us. What should we do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your fear and frustration, as your husband needs to man up and be a proper husband.
Solemn Covenant
Allah refers to marriage as a solemn covenant in His book. What does this mean? It means a formal agreement, pledge, or commitment made between you and him, according to the mandates of Allah and His Messenger. He cannot take this lightly. Once he decided to marry, he committed to you.
Here, Allah (Most High) speaks of taking back a bride’s marriage payment, but within this verse, we see the significance of this covenant:
“And how could you take it back after having enjoyed each other intimately, and she has taken from you a firm commitment?“ [Quran, 4:21]
And the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) has told us how our Creator feels about divorce:
“The most hated of permissible things to Allah is divorce.“ [Ibn Maja]
Obstinacy
Imam Ibn Hajar al-Haytami (Allah have mercy on him), from the Shafi‘i School, states: “Divorce is recommended when one is ordered to do so by one’s parents without the parents giving this order out of obstinacy and stubbornness, as is the case with many unreasonable parents, and without having the fear of falling into Fitna or harm by divorcing her.” [Haytami, Tuhfat al-Muhtaj Sharh al-Minhaj]
A man does not need his parents’ approval for marriage. Since your husband acted with this knowledge, he must use that same courage to keep this marriage alive. Leaving you in a lurch for two years is unIslamic, ridiculous, preposterous, unrealistic, and cowardly.
It is also potentially haram because he will not be fulfilling your rights. He should shake off all uncertainty, and tell his parents that you are his legal wife to whom he will remain devoted and committed for life. Once they see his firmness, they will drop the harassment, in sha Allah.
Dua
I pray that your husband stands firm and supports and loves you as he should. Please make this dua from the Quran daily:
”رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَامًا.“
“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
Please show these answers to your husband, especially the first:
- Obeying Parents in Divorcing My Wife
- What Are a Husband’s Rights over His Wife?
- What Are the Rights of a Woman over Her Husband?
- What Are a Woman’s Rights over Her Husband?
- Should I Divorce My Wife Because My Parents Don’t Approve of Her?
- My Wife Doesn’t Get Along With My Mother. What Do I Do?
- I Am Stuck Between My Mother and My Wife. What Does Islam Say?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
