Do I Have to Get a Different Hairstyle to Please My Husband?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

A wife should adorn herself for her husband, but does he have the right to demand a specific haircut or hair color that she doesn’t want? Many women are emotionally attached to their hair and may see it as part of their identity.

Asking a wife to change her hair color to fit her husband’s preferences can be unreasonable if it causes her distress. While it’s reasonable for a husband to request that his wife wear nice clothes, perfume, or jewelry, demanding a change to her natural appearance, especially if she’s unwilling, seems rude and selfish. Does she not have control over her appearance after marriage?

Answer

Thank you for your question.  It is obligatory to obey your husband in all permissible requests in the Hanafi School, and it is sunna in the Shafi`i School. Pleasing him is one of the doors to Paradise.

Obedience

Anas reported God’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying, “When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.” [Nasa’i]

Also, it was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything about herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Musnad Ahmad]

Ibn `Abbas (Allah be well pleased with him) said, “I like to adorn myself for my wife just as she adorns herself for me because God has said, ‘they are owed rights similar to those due upon them’.” [Ibn Abi Shayba, Musannaf (4:196); Bayhaqi, Sunan al-Kubra (7:295)]

Hairstyle

I encourage you to try the hairstyle and see how it looks or feels. You might get used to it. And if you have tried it and then have a calm discussion with him about going back to your natural style, as you gave it a shot, he will probably agree.

I know many women who can’t support their husband’s wishes for continual blonde hair or light brown eyebrows because the chemicals are too harmful. In those cases, the husband understands it is better to avoid and has dropped the idea. Sometimes, it’s the attitude that matters more than the hair.

Please see these links as well:
Is Straightening Hair for One’s Spouse Permissible?
Dyeing hair for the husband
What Are My Obligations in Obeying My Husband in the Shafi’i School?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.