How Can I Convince My Parents to Let Me Marry a Convert That They Don’t Know Well?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I wish to get married to a converted brother with the permission of my parents but my parents feel that they do not know anything about him. I want to do this Islamically and with my family’s support. But they are worried to get me blindly married. Usually, families ask around to find out about the person but in my circumstance, they can not get information about him.
So what should I do or what can be done? I want to get married to him where everyone is happy with my decision.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your situation and I see how your family must be worried. May Allah make it easy and help you make the right decision.
Religion
The first thing one must do is consider the Prophet’s advice that applies to both genders. The Prophet, (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or for her piety. Select the pious, may you be blessed!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Are you certain that you are choosing him for religion and not out of an emotional attachment?
Istikhara
It is imperative that you and your parents pray istikhara. This prayer is Allah’s gift to us for seeking guidance to ease our minds and be blessed in our decisions. Employ it!
Parents
After being sure that this is the man the one you want to pursue, your parents need to get to know him. They should invite him over and sit with him, and ask him everything they want, and they should do it as many times as it takes for them to feel confident. There is no rush. Usually, parents can read people and they should follow their instincts. Other than this, they could visit the local mosque that he frequents and ask about him.
Prepare
Trust in Allah, and continuously ask Him for submission, guidance, and blessings. Pray your five prayers on time, pray the Prayer of Need and rise before dawn to supplicate for ease and clarity. If you are marrying with the right intention, Allah will facilitate the perfect match for you, even if you don’t end up with the one that you desire. For now, while your parents get to know him, do what is more important and prepare yourself by taking a course on Islamic Marriage, and build your relationship with your Lord before you get busy with marriage.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
