How to Deal with My Husband’s Reconciliation with His First Wife?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I know a Muslim brother who married two women and has children with both. The husband told his second wife that he fought with the first one and wanted to separate from her. So he brought his kids to his second wife to raise. The second wife accepted this.
Three years later, the husband returned to his first wife without telling the second wife. When the second wife found out, she became depressed and couldn’t accept it; she lost her mind. What can she do?
I empathize with the pain that your friend is going through. May Allah Most High relieve her stress and give her peace in her situation.
He reconciled with his first wife, and that is a praiseworthy thing. However, his dishonesty about it has affected her the most; it is heartbreaking that a man would hide this from his life partner.
Your friend has every right to ask that the children be designated back into the custody of the first wife. If she needs time to get over his dishonesty, she can at least do it alone with her children without undue stress.
Patience and Perseverance
Her husband is ultimately choosing what he wants to do, so the best thing she can do is to turn entirely to Allah with patience and perseverance. Accept the situation and pray to Allah to give her patience. Supplicate to Him to remove her concerns and worry and help her re-focus on worshipping Him. Although the pain seems unbearable now, it will get more accessible by the grace of Allah Most High. Tell her to pray the Prayer of Need before dawn and ask that He facilitate her affairs for her.
Here are some du’as she can recite daily to help her gain strength and re-focus her efforts:
Selected Prophetic Prayers for Spiritual, Physical, and Emotional Wellbeing by Chaplain Ibrahim Long
Allah, Most High, says, “And seek help through patience and prayer. Indeed, it is a burden except for the humble—[Quran, 2:45]
Can a Husband Marry a Second Wife Without His First Wife’s Permission?
I Am Jealous of My Husband’s Other Wife. What Do I Do?
May Allah Most High help your friend gain control of her heart and redirect her efforts what benefits her in the akhira and leave the matters of this world to Allah Most High.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.