Is a Husband Required to Consult His Wife on Important Matters? And Is It Sinful to Dislike Polygyny?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

Is a husband religiously obliged to consult his wife on important family matters, such as where to buy a house, or can he decide alone? Would he be sinful before Allah if he excludes her from such decisions?

Is it sinful to believe that it is naturally impossible for any woman to accept her husband marrying another woman, and that such feelings of resistance are unavoidable?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate

I hope you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question.

A husband is obliged to consult his wife in important family matters.

Allah Most High said, “Treat them fairly.” [Quran, 4:19] This includes consulting with her, treating her gently and fairly, and not excluding her from matters that affect her life.

Treaty of Hudaybiyya

During the Treaty of Hudaybiyya, when Muslims were blocked from performing ‘Umra and were in ihram, they hesitated to perform the required rituals out of grief. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) consulted his wife Umm Salama, who advised him to perform the rituals openly.

He did so, setting an example, and the Companions followed. This incident demonstrates the Prophet’s value for his wife’s counsel in important matters and highlights the importance of consultation in family and leadership decisions.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) consulted Umm Salama (Allah be pleased with her); Allah showed him the blessings of consultation. He did what she advised, and his Companions followed his example. This demonstrates that it is permissible to consult women of virtue and sound judgment.

[Ibn Battal, Sharh al-Bukhari]

Consultation (Mashwara)

Abdullah ibn ‘Abbas (Allah be pleased with him) said, “When the Verse ‘Consult with them in matters’ [Quran, 3:159] was revealed, the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: ‘Allah and His Messenger do not require this.

However, Allah has made consultation a means of mercy for my umma. Whomsoever from among my (umma) will resort to consultation, will not be deprived of guidance, and whoever from my (umma) abandons consultation, will not be devoid of difficulties.’”

Feelings of Resistance to a Co-Wife

Having feelings of resistance towards a husband having a co-wife is not sinful; however, one should not consider it impermissible or reject the ruling.

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. In sha Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.

Related

•  Explaining Misunderstood Hadith About Women

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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

 فمن ذلك المشورة الحكيمة لأم المؤمنين السيدة أم سلمة رضي الله تعالى عنها في صُلح الحديبية، والتي نفع الله عزَّ وجلَّ بها الأمة الإسلامية ممثلة في أصحاب النبي صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم؛ حيث أنجاهم من حدثٍ جلل وأمرٍ عصيب، وذلك عندما التبس الأمر عليهم، فانتظروا في أمر النحر والحلق حين أمرهم الرسول صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم بذلك؛ فأشارت عليه السيدة أم سلمة رضي الله تعالى عنها بقولها: «يَا نَبِيَّ اللهِ، أَتُحِبُّ ذَلِكَ، اخْرُجْ ثُمَّ لَا تُكَلِّمْ أَحَدًا مِنْهُمْ كَلِمَةً، حَتَّى تَنْحَرَ بُدْنَكَ، وَتَدْعُوَ حَالِقَكَ فَيَحْلِقَكَ، فَخَرَجَ فَلَمْ يُكَلِّمْ أَحَدًا مِنْهُمْ حَتَّى فَعَلَ ذَلِكَ نَحَرَ بُدْنَهُ، وَدَعَا حَالِقَهُ فَحَلَقَهُ، فَلَمَّا رَأَوْا ذَلِكَ قَامُوا، فَنَحَرُوا وَجَعَلَ بَعْضُهُمْ يَحْلِقُ بَعْضًا حَتَّى كَادَ بَعْضُهُمْ يَقْتُلُ بَعْضًا غَمًّا» أخرجه البخاري.

قال العلامة ابن بطال في “شرح صحيح البخاري” (8/ 124، ط. مكتبة الرشد): [شاور النبي صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم أم سلمة رضي الله عنها؛ فأراه الله بركة المشورة، ففعل ما قالت؛ فاقتدى به أصحابه.. وفيه: جواز مشاورة النساء ذوات الفضل والرأي] اهـ

Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.