Must I Share Past Trauma With a Potential Spouse?
Hanafi Fiqh
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
Am I required to tell a potential spouse about being violated in the past, even though I did not consent and still struggle with guilt and fear of judgment?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question.
You are not required to tell your potential spouse anything about the past. Remember that this was in the past. Don’t let your past haunt you as long as you feel remorse. It will only make things worse for you. Learn from it and repent.
Have Good Hope in Allah
Allah Most High said:
“Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
It was narrated from Anas that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) entered upon a young man who was dying and said, “How do you feel?” He said: “I have hope in Allah, O Messenger of Allah, but I fear my sins.” The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“These two things (hope and fear) do not coexist in the heart of a person in a situation like this, but Allah will give him that which he hopes for and keep him safe from that which he fears.” [Ibn Maja]
You are putting Allah first in your life. Please do not see this as a problem, but rather as a great gift and blessing, and you have realized a sense of direction for the future.
May Allah Most destine you a righteous, caring, and loving husband who is good (khayr) for you in all matters of this world and the Next life. Amin.
I would like you to read through the valuable answers and links below. Insha’Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.
Related
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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.
