Why Is the Husband Not Obliged to Share a Bedroom with the Wife?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I heard that in Islam, spouses don’t have to share the same bedroom. However, if the husband wants them to share a room then it becomes obligatory. If the wife wants to share a room, does it also become obligatory on the husband? What if this means something to her, and she really wants it, and it is an emotional need of hers?
In this case, just like the emotions of the husband are highly respected, and the wife must share a room if he wants, are the wife’s emotions respected, or are they discarded and irrelevant? Is the husband’s wish what matters? Can he sleep in a separate room if he wants as he matters more than her?
Answer
Thank you for your question. Both husband and wife have needs and the goal of marriage is that both strive to fulfill each other’s needs with love and respect, but the husband remains the leader.
Sharing Bedroom
Allah (Most High) said in the Quran, “Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And if you sense ill-conduct from your women, advise them ˹first˺, ˹if they persist,˺ do not share their beds, ˹but if they still persist,˺ then discipline them ˹gently˺. But if they change their ways, do not be unjust to them. Surely Allah is Most High, All-Great.” [Quran, 4:34]
It is not in the spirit of Islam that a couple should sleep separately, but nevertheless, the husband is the leader of the family. A husband’s role is different from a woman’s role and he has been chosen as the caretaker of women. This does not mean that he is more important. Every member of the family is important. I encourage open communication, love, respect and very simply, to live as the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) did with his wives.
Please see these links as well:
- Can You Help Me Understand My Role and Value as a Woman?
- Explaining Misunderstood Hadith About Women
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
