In Love but Too Young to Marry
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I’m 18 years old, and I’m in love with a 15-year-old girl. She feels the same towards me, and we both know about this. However, we haven’t done anything terrible (touching, kissing, etc.). Our only contact is through texting. We are also aware this relationship is haram, but we don’t know what to do. I want to marry her, but unfortunately, we are too young. What shall we do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your difficulty of being in love and not being sure of your future together.
Gender Interaction
This kind of relationship usually gets one into trouble. When you don’t keep within the limits of Islam at this young age, it spells heartbreak or very long engagements that are a hardship. So I commend you for wanting to make this halal and for not going further than you have with this girl, but your kissing and touching her will still require tawba. May Allah reward you for intending to marry her and not waste her time.
What Are the Conditions of Making Tawba? (Transcript) – Ustadh Abdullah Misra
Options
There are only two options for you. You can propose, with your parent’s permission, or you can forget about her and move on. As a man of his word, you must at least try to convince your parents, even if they don’t let you marry now. You owe her that. I don’t know if you promised her, but you should have done it the Islamic way so that she would not feel used if it doesn’t work out. If your parents agree, be grateful, get engaged to her, and try to have a nikah quickly so you can both hang out. If they refuse a nikah, then at least keep your distance from her during the engagement, so you don’t fall in the haram.
The second option will leave her hopes dashed and heartbroken. If you have to leave her, time, dhikr, and du`a will heal your pain, and you will both find someone that is suitable, but Allah’s grace. Don’t ever attempt to get to know a girl or get close to her except under the assumption of intention to marry with your parent’s permission. Otherwise, it is a waste of time, disrespectful, and worthless from the start.
Turn to Allah and Learn
Ask Allah to help you through this by praying tahajjud and the Prayer of Need. Pray your prayers on time, and keep away from the haram. End the physical relationship now, make tawba, and tell her that you will pursue marriage or end it. Take a course on marriage now so that you understand what it entails of rights and responsibilities. May Allah make your affairs easy for you and guide you to what is best for you deen and dunya.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
