My ADHD Behavior Is Ruining My Parents’ Lives. What Can I Do?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m almost an adult and I drive my parents crazy. I’ve got a horrid memory with chores, can’t follow instructions, and have a hard time with hygiene and I accidentally offend them. I’m more immature than my peers, and my parents resort to asking my younger sister to do things, which is sad as I’m the oldest of five. My parents have been stressed for years and I just make it worse. They’ve been mad at me since I was seven.

They say I’m useless, I think they’re starting to hate me. Every day they scream at me or cry. Every morning is a battle to get to school, even when I try to improve.

I suspect myself of ADHD/autism, but can’t get help as that would give my parents depression. I spoke to them before about it but it didn’t work. What to do?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am sorry that you are dealing with this stress from your parents but I pray that your parents also become proactive and seek help for you. It is not all on your shoulders.

Mental Health

Please make an appointment with a doctor yourself, or get a counselor at school to help you. You must find out if you really have ADHD so that you can do something about it. It is wrong for a person who is mentally unwell to be treated like he is not, and be made to feel like he is useless. You are not useless, you are loved by Allah, you are a worthy believer and you deserve to be respected. In addition to this, your parents don’t hate you, and you are not ruining their lives. Please do your best with the resources below and get yourself to a licensed therapist or psychiatrist who can diagnose you.

Resources

I Suffer Under Severe Anxiety. What Can I Do to Stay Mentally Well?

Being Balanced – Emotional and Mental Health- Shaykh Abdurrahim Reasat

How Do I Get Cured of My Panic Attacks?

On Parents Showing Righteousness to Children – Muwasala

Turn to Allah

Turn to Allah during this difficult time and know that there is ease after every difficulty. Allah hears your prayers and if you ask Him for guidance and for aiding yourself, He will grant it to you. Make use of auspicious times when supplication is answered, such as the last hour of the day of Friday (right before Maghrib), by praying the Prayer of Need, and every day before dawn. Read Quran daily with the meaning, and find solace in His book. You will be greatly rewarded, by His grace.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.