Should I Apologize to a Woman for Kissing Her Husband?

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Answered by Ustada Shazia Ahmad

Question

I had a relationship with a married man. We didn’t have sexual intercourse but we did talk, hug, kiss and touch. We decided polygamy was not for us and that he should stay with his good, innocent wife and child. He told his wife he discussed marriage with me. but she doesn’t know about our misdeeds. We still love each other but stopped talking for the sake of Allah. I’m very remorseful about our sins and made tawba to Allah. Am I obliged to ask his wife for forgiveness in this case since I infringed on her rights and hurt her feelings, or is it enough to repent to Allah only? Would Allah ever accept our marriage as halal if he finds me a single man, or would Allah hate us for being together due to our earlier sins?

Answer

Thank you for your question. My Allah reward you for your sincere repentance and in sha Allah your union with your future husband will be perfectly accepted and within Allah’s pleasure.
Adultery
Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “Allah fixed the very portion of adultery which a man will indulge in. There would be no escape from it. The adultery of the eye is the lustful look and the adultery of the ears is listening to voluptuous (song or talk), the adultery of the tongue is licentious speech, the adultery of the hand is the lustful grip (embrace) and the adultery of the feet is to walk (to the place) where he intends to commit adultery and the heart yearns and desires that which he may or may not put into effect.” [Muslim]

The man you were with was committing adultery of the heart, and you were acting on your temptation, aiding him in his unfaithfulness. That being said, your sincere repentance was called for and I pray that you will be included in the people of this hadith.

“The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said: “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin.” [Ibn Maja]


Apologizing
For the sake of the well-being of his wife, please do not approach her at all. Your very existence probably makes her upset and your tawba with Allah is sufficient. If you want to do good by her, give charity on her behalf, read some Quran donating the reward to her and follow up your evil with a good deed.  Of course, never talk to this man again.The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Have taqwa (fear) of Allah wherever you may be, and follow up an evil deed with a good deed which will wipe it out, and behave well towards the people.“ [Tirmidhi]

MarriageYour past actions will not necessarily have any effect on your future, especially if you repent and are fulfilling your obligations to Allah Most High. Needing love and companionship is healthy and normal for a young, unmarried woman. It is important to act on this instinct in the optimal way, instead of wasting it on a married man. Pray the Prayer of Need, make du`a at tahajjud time, and take out time to learn Sacred Knowledge. Devote yourself entirely to Allah and you will come to love what He loves and hate what He hates.

Please see these links as well:

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustada] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.

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