Can Seeking Forgiveness From Those Harmed Be Waived If It Inflicts Greater Harm?
Answered by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Question
Years ago, while unmarried, I had an unlawful relationship with a married woman. Her husband discovered it, leading to serious marital problems and separation. I have had no contact with her for many years, sincerely repented to Allah, and am committed never to repeat the sin. Am I required to seek the husband’s forgiveness despite the risk of causing further harm, or what should I do to fulfill the rights of those harmed?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Merciful and Compassionate.
Your remorse is a sign of Allah’s mercy upon you. Allah never closes the door to those who turn back to Him in repentance.
Sincere Repentance Settles the Sin Between You and Allah
For the sin between you and Allah, the matter is settled by sincere repentance (tawba): regret, leaving it entirely, and firm resolve never to return. Allah Most High says, “Say, ‘O My servants who have committed excesses against their very selves, despair not of the mercy of Allah: Verily Allah forgives all sins soever: Truly He is the All-forgiving, the All-compassionate.’” [Quran 39:53; Keller, The Quran Beheld]
And He describes those who repent as people whose very wrongs He transforms: “For those shall Allah change their bad deeds for good.” [Quran 25:70; Keller, The Quran Beheld] You have done what this requires.
On the Rights of Others, the Principle Is to Conceal, Not Reopen Harm
It is natural to think that completing your repentance means seeking the husband’s forgiveness. However, the guidance in such cases is to conceal what Allah has concealed and to avoid causing further harm. Seeking his forgiveness would require revealing what Allah has covered, which could bring renewed pain to him, the woman, and especially the child. If seeking forgiveness would cause more harm than benefit, it is not required, and it is better not to do so.
Complete Your Repentance by a Different Road Than Confrontation
Do not resume any contact with those involved. Seek Allah’s forgiveness often. Pray sincerely for those you harmed, asking Allah to mend what was broken, protect the child, and grant them good. Give charity and intend its reward for them. The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Whoever conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah conceals his faults in this world and the Hereafter.” [Muslim] You have left the wrong. Now, follow the way of mercy by covering, not exposing.
And Allah knows best.
[Shaykh] Faraz Rabbani
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Shaykh Faraz Rabbani is a recognized specialist scholar in the Islamic sciences, having studied under leading scholars from around the world. He is the Founder and Executive Director of SeekersGuidance.
Shaykh Faraz stands as a distinguished figure in Islamic scholarship. His journey in seeking knowledge is marked by dedication and depth. He spent ten years studying under some of the most revered scholars of our times. His initial studies took place in Damascus. He then continued in Amman, Jordan.
In Damascus, he was privileged to learn from the late Shaykh Adib al-Kallas. Shaykh Adib al-Kallas was renowned as the foremost theologian of his time. Shaykh Faraz also studied under Shaykh Hassan al-Hindi in Damascus. Shaykh Hassan is recognized as one of the leading Hanafi jurists of our era.
Upon completing his studies, Shaykh Faraz returned to Canada in 2007. His return marked a new chapter in his service to the community. He founded SeekersGuidance. The organization reflects his commitment to spreading Islamic knowledge. It aims to be reliable, relevant, inspiring, and accessible. This mission addresses both online and on-the-ground needs.
Shaykh Faraz is also an accomplished author. His notable work includes “Absolute Essentials of Islam: Faith, Prayer, and the Path of Salvation According to the Hanafi School,” published by White Thread Press in 2004, which is a significant contribution to Islamic literature.
His influence extends beyond his immediate community. Since 2011, Shaykh Faraz has been recognized as one of the 500 most influential Muslims. This recognition comes from the Royal Islamic Strategic Studies Center. It underscores his impact on the global Islamic discourse.
Shaykh Faraz Rabbani’s life and work embody a profound commitment to Islamic scholarship. His teachings continue to enlighten and guide seekers of knowledge worldwide.
