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Sorrow Over Sexual Misdeeds

Question: When I was about 7, I visited overseas on my yearly vacation, there my male cousin, showed me a video and told me to imitate it. After that, every summer, we ended up having oral and anal intercourse, not sex. This Ramadan my Lord guided me and I repented.  I thought I had committed adultery, but I realized that it was sodomy. I am now 16 and have faith Allah will forgive me but my regret is not the same anymore. Has Allah forgiven me already for repenting for adultery or do I need to repent again? I also used to disobey my parents and steal and lie, but am unable to feel guilty about it. I fear Allah’s wrath or to be called amongst the people of Lut. I read that if one doesn’t repent from sodomy, the Earth will swallow one up from the grave and one will be annihilated.

Answer: 

Assalamu alaykum,
Thank you for your question. I am very sorry to hear that you were made to commit such acts during your innocent youth. I want you to understand that when you were seven, your cousin sexually abused you and you were a victim. I pray that he doesn’t prey on anyone else the way he did on you and he will be accountable for this enormity on the Day of Judgment. If you are ever in his presence again, try to keep any other possible victims away from him.
Tawba

It seems from your question that you committed these acts voluntarily as you grew older and I pray that Allah accepts your repentance. There is no need for you to repent again. Even if you labeled it wrongfully, saying “adultery“, you still intended to repent for what you did and that is enough. It is not a problem that you don’t feel a pang of fresh, deep guilt about it, because you felt guilt at the time of repentance.Looking forward, do keep away from your cousin and make sure that you are never in khalwa (isolation) with someone of the opposite gender. I can’t tell you if Allah has forgiven you, but we know this: The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “The one who repents from sin is like one who did not sin’” [Ibn Majah].
Feeling regret

As for feeling regret about stealing and lying, you must feel some regret about these actions, knowing that Allah has forbidden them, which has incited you to repent. That is sufficient for your repentance. See the conditions of repentance here:  https://seekersguidance.org/articles/featured-articles/what-are-the-conditions-of-making-tawba-transcript-ustadh-abdullah-misra/
Look ahead

The best thing for you now is to travel the path of light and knowledge and try to better yourself in every aspect. Learn about our beautiful religion, the halal and haram of everyday and basic fiqh. Read the seerah and strive to fulfill your obligations to the One who created you. Don’t let the devil keep you busy in futile things. I pray that your past feels like another lifetime to you and that Allah gives you high rank and closeness to Him.[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.