Does Divorce Occur by Saying or Agreeing to not Be Intimate?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

 

Question 

Is it true that there is an automatic divorce whereby the husband says he does not ever want to have sex with his wife? What about if his wife says, “I don’t feel like having sex or being intimate anymore.” And then her husband looks sad and nods. Is that divorce if both husband and wife did not know about this automatic divorce? Or does it count if the husband and wife eventually become intimate but don’t say anything?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate. 

May Allah alleviate our difficulties and guide us to what pleases Him. Thank you for your question.

What you have described is not valid, and such an oath is not an automatic divorce, and Allah knows best.

Forswearing One’s Wife (Ila)

The provided description appears to be a reference to ‘forswearing (ila).’ In Sacred Law, forswearing means that the husband swears he will not have sexual intercourse with his wife, either for an unrestricted period or for more than four months. Forswearing one’s wife is unlawful. [Misri, ʿUmda Al-Salik]

Allah says: “For those who swear not to have sexual relations with their wives is a waiting time of four months, but if they return [to normal relations] – then indeed, Allah is Forgiving and Merciful.” [Qur’an 2:226]

The Solution

The following steps would resolve the forswearing oath: The husband should be instructed by the judge (qadi) (or scholars who fulfill the role of a qadi) either to have intercourse with her or divorce her. If he refuses to divorce her, then the (qadi) may issue a ruling of divorce. If he agrees to sleep with her, they resume their lives as a married couple, and Allah knows best. []

Please note that Islam encourages husbands and wives to fulfill each other’s desires eagerly. Allah says: “…They are clothing for you, and you are clothing for them. […] So now, have relations with them and seek what Allah has decreed for you. […] Thus does Allah make clear His ordinances to the people that they may become righteous.” [Qur’an 2:187]

[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick

 

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar, Shaykh Taha Karaan. 

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Mawlana Yusuf Karaan, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has served as the Director of the Discover Islam Centre and Al Jeem Foundation. He served as the resident Imam of Masjid al-Munowar in Retreat, Cape Town, for several years.

Shaykh Irshaad has thirteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic online learning and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and pursuing his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy living and fitness.