How to Inform My Parents about Breaking the Engagement?

Shafi'i Fiqh

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I have been struggling day and night to build the confidence to tell my dad that I want to break my engagement. First, my fiancé told me he wants to drink at his bachelorette party with the boys, second, we don’t emotionally connect and he’s not religious either. But I’ve been unable to speak to my dad and I feel extremely anxious and panicked.

I make dua day and night and ask Allah Most High that this engagement breaks itself so I don’t have to tell my dad. Please suggest something, as the wedding is around the corner. I feel extremely anxious even thinking about signing the nikah papers.

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your fear of telling your father the truth, but if you don’t, your whole life will be ruined.

The Prophet’s Advice

There is no question here; you cannot marry him. He is the opposite of what a father and husband should be, and marrying him would be in contradiction to the Prophetic advice. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, and this applies to both genders, “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious, or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari; Muslim]

Courage

If you cannot pluck up the courage to speak to your dad, you are jeopardizing your future, your parent’s future, and your children’s future, and the afterlife of everyone you love. You must speak now and say no to this wedding at all costs. Reputation, betrayal, embarrassment, and wasted money are all paltry in regard to this tremendous potential mistake.

Please remember this hadith: The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) told us, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah Almighty but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]

Please see these links for more details:
Advice on Breaking an Unwanted Marriage Engagement
I Got Engaged to My Cousin to Please My Parents. How Do I Break off My Engagement Without Being Harsh?
How Can I Stop an Engagement Which I Am Unsure About?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.