How to Purify Myself from Pornography and Masturbation?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I’m 18 yrs old, and I pray, give zakat, fast, and do zikr and istighfar. But, I am addicted to porn and masturbation. I started humping pillows when I was nine yrs old. But it grew stronger with age. I discovered bestiality, rape, feet and feeding fetish, and many more sinful things. I am stuck on a cuckold fetish. When I was little, I was overprotective of my older sisters and asked them to cover. I felt weak, overpowered, and humiliated when I realized they wouldn’t. I noticed people were looking at them, making me very sad.

I now noticed that my protective jealousy was gone. I’m distraught and want it back. Will I gain it back? Did Allah punish me? Did I do something wrong? I can’t figure out why this happened. I want to stop my addiction, and I fear that I will never be able to get married because I fear not being able to satisfy myself or her. How do I purify my heart?

Answer

Thank you for your honest question. I pray that Allah rewards you and helps you out of the hole you have dug yourself into. Nothing is difficult for Allah Most High. You must work hard with blood, sweat, and tears to eliminate this habit.

Your Obligations

I am relieved to see that you pray, fast, and give zakat. Please take a course on your basics of worship to be sure that you are not making any significant mistakes and that your worship is valid. Read some Quran daily, lower your gaze around women, give charity regularly and keep up the dhikr.

Addiction

Pornography and masturbation are heinous crimes against Allah Most High and thank Allah Most High that you have the maturity and sense to reach out to try to change yourself. Please seek out help at Purify Your Gaze. This is a safe place for Muslims to beat these addictions. You are not the only Muslim dealing with this problem; you can and will change if you want to. May Allah give you strength and determination, and complete repentance.

Ghirah over Sisters

Don’t worry about your protective jealousy (ghirah) being gone. Being jealous of your sisters is not obligatory, and you will not be asked about this on the Day of Judgment. Allah has the greatest ghirah and is a noble quality recommended for Muslims, though some have it according to how deep their connection is to their fitra (innate pure disposition).

The Prophet (Allah bless him and grant him peace) said, “There is none with more Ghirah (positive protective jealously) than Allah, and due to this He has prohibited the shameful (lewd) sins, that which is apparent of them and that which is hidden. And there is none to whom praise is more beloved than Allah, and due to this, He has praised Himself.” [Tirmidhi]

Losing your sense of ghirah should be the last thing on your mind. Instead, it would help if you worked on overcoming the addiction and healing yourself.

Marriage

It is correct that your addiction can have devastating effects on your future marriage. This is why you should beat the addiction now and be porn-free and masturbation-free for a year or two before considering marriage. When you do get married, you should focus on pleasing your wife in a halal way and make yourself accustomed to regular and natural pleasures in the bedroom. It will eventually stick in sha Allah. Also, please don’t make the mistake of telling her about your past; you should keep this hidden. This is tremendous mercy in our religion.

When have you worked with the website above, and find that you are gaining a grip on your life, see this link for purifying the heart:  How Can I Purify My Heart? A Reader

Tawba

I leave you with this hadith on repentance. It is the first step in any program to change yourself. I pray that your recovery starts today and stays with you forever.

Anas bin Malik narrated that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me, I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. So the son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.'” [Tirmidhi]

Please check these links:
Reader on Pornography
I Am a Young Woman Addicted to Pornography. What Should I Do?
Watching Pornography

I hope this helps

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.