Is a Threat of Divorce Considered Divorce?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

My husband told me that if I kept up my attitude, I should stay in my country and send our child back. I asked if he meant divorce or if he was threatening divorce.

He replied, “Yes,” but then clarified, “No. It was a threat. I said it was a threat.” Has a divorce taken place?

Answer

In the name of Allah, the Entirely Merciful, the Especially Merciful.

No divorce has taken place. Your marriage is still valid. What your husband said was only a warning about what he might do in the future, and a warning is not the same as actually declaring a divorce. And Allah knows best.

Plain and Allusive Words

There are two types of words that can cause a divorce. Plain words (sarih) clearly state divorce and take effect whether or not the husband intends it.

Allusive words (kinaya) only hint at separation, like “you are free,” “you are separated,” or “rejoin your kin,” and these only count as divorce if the husband actually means divorce by them. [Nawawi, Minhaj al-Talibin; Misri, Umdat al-Salik]

Your husband said, “If you are going to keep this stupid attitude up, then stay in your country because I will not tolerate it anymore. Send our child back and you can stay there.”

There is no mention of divorce in what he said. At most, “stay in your country” could be seen as an allusive phrase, since it talks about being apart.

But even then, it only counts if he meant divorce at that moment, and he clearly said he only meant it as a threat. His explanation about his intention is accepted. [Nawawi, al-Majmu Sharh al-Muhadhdhab]

The Tense He Used Settles it

There is another, even clearer reason. His words were about something he might do in the future, not something he was doing at that moment.

Using the future tense, like saying “I will divorce you,” is only a promise or a threat. It does not cause a divorce, even if the man means it as a threat or even if what he warned about later happens. [Ibn Hajar al-Haytami, Tuhfat al-Muhtaj; Shirbini, Mughni al-Muhtaj; Bakri, I‘anat al-Talibin]

Why cannot the whole conversation you describe produce a divorce? He was not divorcing you. He was telling you what he might do if things did not change.

This is not a conditional divorce either. For a conditional divorce, there must be a clear statement linking divorce to an event, like “if you do this, you are divorced.” He did not say that. He only mentioned a consequence he would impose, not an actual divorce.

The Word “Yes” in the Exchange

There is a known ruling that when a husband is asked, “Have you divorced your wife?” and he answers, “Yes,” she is divorced even if he did not intend it. [Misri, Umdat al-Salik]

That ruling does not apply in your case because of how the question was asked. You did not ask, “Have you divorced me?” Instead, you asked, “Did you threaten divorce?” So when he said “Yes,” he was only confirming the threat, not a divorce. A “yes” only answers the question it is given, nothing more.

He also cleared up any confusion himself. When asked if he meant divorce, he said, “No. It was a threat.” His answers have been clear and consistent from start to finish.

Taking Divorce Seriously

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Three things are always taken seriously whether said seriously or in jest: marriage (nikah), divorce (talaq), and taking back (raj‘a).” [Abu Dawud; Tirmidhi; Ibn Maja]

This hadith means that if a man actually says words of divorce, he cannot later claim he was not serious. But it does not turn words that are not divorce into a divorce. Since no words of divorce were said, this hadith does not apply to your situation.

A Word to Your Husband

Your marriage remains valid, and that is the ruling. However, there is still something important to say about how your marriage is being handled. (Most High) says, “Do not hold them back to harm them, so that you may exceed the limits. Whoever does that surely wrongs his own soul.” [Quran, 2:231]

Keeping a wife under the constant threat of divorce, and also threatening to separate her from her child, is the kind of harm this verse warns against. Divorce is meant to be a remedy in Islamic law, not a tool to control a spouse.

A man who brings up divorce in every argument should realize that he is putting his marriage and his responsibility before Allah at risk each time.

Principle and Practical Guidance

A marriage that is certain cannot be undone by doubt. Nothing has happened that counts as a divorce, so nothing has changed.

Three things follow from that.

Let this question go. Do not keep rereading the messages looking for something you might have missed, and do not look for more opinions just to calm an anxiety that has no real basis. This only leads to unnecessary doubts (waswasa), and the best way to deal with them is to ignore them, not to keep investigating.

Ask your husband to stop mentioning divorce unless he truly means it. If he only brings it up when he is serious, most of this stress will go away immediately.

Talk to someone qualified about this pattern in your marriage. The legal question has been answered, but the state of your marriage is a different issue. It deserves proper attention from an Allah-conscious counselor and a scholar who can take the time to understand your full situation, and advise accordingly .

And Allah knows best.

[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), where he taught.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Centre, and for six years, he has been the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen, Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has fifteen years of teaching experience at some of the leading Islamic institutes in Cape Town). He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.