What Is the Ideal Way to Pursue a Girl for Marriage?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I love a girl very much and want to marry her. When I expressed my love, the answer was that her parents believe in her. The girl is in our school, and I don’t know why I love her. I don’t know what to do.

Answer

Masha Allah, may Allah Most High reward you for reaching out and asking what to do. You seek a halal solution to this love.

Istikhara

Pray Istikhara: The Prayer of Seeking Guidance, asking Allah whether you should pursue marriage with her. Pray for seven days, especially in the last third of the night (before dawn). You should not have any communication with her while you do this. It would help if you had a clear head and not be distracted.

Please be wary of the Devil and your lust for her. I wonder why you say that you don’t know why you love her? The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Your love for a thing causes blindness and deafness.” [Abu Dawud]

If you feel optimistic about it, go with your parents straight to her parent’s house and ask for her hand in marriage. Have a financial plan in place as well. It is dignified and respectable to take the correct means to get married. Her family will take you seriously and may even allow you to start getting to know her.

If you feel negative about it, take steps to cut her out of your mind. Don’t lust after her or get emotionally attached, making your heart grow fond of her without having any promise in return. It will only cause pain. You must take a clear step going forward and not backward.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “You will never leave something for the sake of Allah, but Allah will give you something better in return.” [Ahmad] If it doesn’t work out, it is time for you to put your trust in Allah Most High and expect something magnificent instead. It may come from whence you don’t expect it.

Kindly Follow Istikhara in Pursuing Marriage

May Allah bless you with a perfectly suited wife that will be a garment for you, and you a garment for her.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.