I feel awful and remorseful about having had a boyfriend


Question: I was born and raised as a Muslim, but I was blinded by this world and had a boyfriend. I was close to Zina on multiple occasions, praying to Allah for forgiveness, especially during Ramadan. What else can I do? I feel awful about my past, and I am trying to be a righteous Muslim. How can I guarantee Allah’s forgiveness and salvation from the Hellfire? If a prospective groom appears and asks if I was involved with anyone, what do I say? My parents cannot know, and I don’t want my past to define me. Can I still be with a good Muslim man? I know we should keep our sins hidden, but I am in desperate need of proper guidance.

Answer:

Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I am very pleased and congratulate you on the blessing of guidance and your intention to change yourself. May Allah give you every success along the way.

Guaranteeing forgiveness

What is expected of you is that you repent sincerely for disobeying Allah; please see this link to ensure that you do that:
https://seekersguidance.org/articles/featured-articles/what-are-the-conditions-of-making-tawba-transcript-ustadh-abdullah-misra/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/living-religion/sincere-repentance-zina/

There is no way to guarantee forgiveness from Allah, nor salvation from the Hellfire. The only people who had this guarantee were few; among them, the Prophets, Messengers, and the ten companions were given the glad tidings of Paradise. Rest assured that you are in the ranks of believers who struggle every day with their sins, feel remorse, and pray daily for Allah to envelop them in His mercy while feeling they don’t deserve it.

Allah’s mercy is expansive beyond our comprehension, and He seeks to forgive every single night. Consider this hadith: The Prophet said, may Allah bless him and give him peace, “When half of the night or two-third of it is over, Allah, the Blessed and the Exalted, descends to the lowest heaven and says, ‘Is there any beggar, so that he be given? Is there any supplicator so that he be answered? Is there any beggar of forgiveness so that he be forgiven?‘ (And Allah continues it saying) till it is daybreak.“ [Muslim]

Consider the immensity of his forgiveness from this prophetic hadith: “Allah, Blessed is He and Most High, said: ‘O son of Adam! Verily as long as you called upon Me and hoped in Me,  I forgave you, despite whatever may have occurred from you, and I did not mind. O son of Adam! Were your sins to reach the clouds of the sky, then you sought forgiveness from Me, I would forgive you, and I would not mind. O son of Adam! If you came to Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, and then you met Me not associating anything with Me, I would come to you with forgiveness nearly as great as it.’” [Tirmidhi]

Prospects for marriage

You certainly do not need to be defined by your past, and you won’t be, by the grace of Allah. It is impermissible for you to reveal your past sins to a prospective suitor even if you are directly asked. See these links:
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-we-deny-having-committed-sins-after-weve-repented-from-them/
https://seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/swear-quran-cover-past-sin/

Continue on this transformation that you have started and ask Allah to send you good religious company and increase you in Sacred Knowledge, its knowledge, its practice, and the spiritual state gained from it.

Shazia Ahmad