Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I currently feel hopeless with my life and weighed down by my sins which I find myself unable to correct, to the extent that I don’t even know if living is a good choice.
So, I make the supplication in this hadith: “None of you should long for death because of a calamity that had befallen him, and if he cannot, but long for death, then he should say, ‘O Allah! Let me live as long as life is better for me, and take my life if death is better for me.’” [Bukhari]
I say this with the hope that Allah will not keep me alive if he does not mean it to be better for me. But would Allah really accept this supplication from me in spite of my sins, etc.?
Thank you for your question. Allah Most High has already ordained your life-span and I pray that instead of wanting to die, you focus on how you can gain closeness to Him and overcome your habits.
Wishing for Death
You say that you don’t know if living is a good choice, I am guaranteeing you right now that it is because you are able to repent as long as you live, even if you can’t stop sinning. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), also, said this in a hadith when speaking about longing for death: “None of you should wish for death. If he is righteous, perhaps he may add to (his) good works, and if he is a sinner, possibly he may repent (in case he is given a longer life).” [Bukhari]
And he, (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Let none of you wish for death, nor he asks for it before it comes to him because when he dies, his actions will be terminated; certainly the age of a (true) believer does not add but good.” [Muslim]
Supplication Blocked by Sins
No supplication is blocked by sins because everyone sins and it would be futile to ask them to repent if sins were blocking their acceptance. Rather, Allah is merciful and rejoices at the repentance of the believer, as we are told in this hadith. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Allah rejoices more over the repentance of His slave than a man who loses his mount in a barren land, and he searches for it until he gets tired and covers his face with his garment, and while he is like that, he heard the footsteps of his mount where he lost it, so he lifts the garment from his face and there is his mount.” [Ibn Maja]
Turn to Allah
My advice to you is to continue on this path of repentance. Plan to worship Allah, plan to repent, plan to fulfill your worldly and other-worldly obligations, and don’t wish for death. Rather, let the remembrance of death incite you to action and not waste a single moment of precious time. Continue on your cycle of repentance, even if you can’t stop sinning, for one of them will surely take over the other, just as truth will eventually manifest itself over falsehood.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.