What Is the Best Approach to Setting Mahr?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question

I requested a simple mahr of $1000 cash and $1200 in gold, but my parents now say it’s too low and believe the groom is undervaluing me, comparing it to other families who ask for $5000.

I chose this amount because the man I want to marry lives independently with no support and cannot pay more upfront. I believe he will provide for me, insha’Allah. Am I wrong to prefer a simple mahr despite my parents’ concerns?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

Regarding issues of dowry (mahr), you, your parents, and your future spouse must have a candid conversation and find a reasonable compromise, ensuring everyone is content and no one is unduly burdened.

The following considerations can be used to facilitate those discussions.

Prophetic Advice on Dowry (Mahr)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Indeed, the greatest of marriages in blessing are those with the least financial burden.” [Bayhaqi]

Financial burden here refers to being content with a lesser dowry and marital expenditure, which is a sign of contentment and a lack of greed. Now, this must be balanced with other considerations.

Sayyida Fatima’s Dowry

When the Prophet Muhammad (may Allah bless him and give him peace) married off his blessed daughter, Sayyida Fatima, to Imam ‘Ali bin Abi Talib, Imam ‘Ali only owned a few belongings.

The Prophet Muhammad (Allah bless him and give him peace) requested that he sell his shield and use the money for marriage preparations and dowry (mahr).

The dowry that was given to Sayyida Fatima was 1469 grams of silver. That said, it is reported that the dowry that the Prophet (God bless him) gave to his wives was the equivalent of 1530 grams of silver.

Further Readings

Please see the following answers/articles to facilitate more understanding:

• A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader – SeekersGuidance
• Zakat Nisâb and Mahr prices – daily updates | WellWishers
• Is It Permissible for a Woman to Demand a Very High Dower and to Condition Its Payment on a Divorce? – SeekersGuidance
• What Is the Minimum Stipulated Dowry (Mahr) in the Sacred Law? – SeekersGuidance
• Some Rulings Related to the Dowry – SeekersGuidance
• How Much Should I Ask to Get for a Marriage Dowry (Mahr)? – SeekersGuidance

Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he went on to study at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and completed his studies at Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen.

There, he completed the memorization of the Quran and his study of Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study, he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: Habib Umar bin Hafiz, Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, Shaykh ‘Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others.

Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.