Should I Obey My Parents in Something That They Told Me Years Ago?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

In class, classmates were asking what they got in the exam. Someone asked me and I told them my low grade. I think I remember my parents said years ago, not to tell anyone my grades as it would be embarrassing.

I’m not sure if this still applies as I’m legally an adult now, nor do I know if they would feel the same way. Also, I was a top student last year, so I doubt this exam embarrassed me.

Is this disobeying my parents?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I feel that you are grown up now and that what your parents told you before may not necessarily apply now.

Things Change

If you are concerned about how your parents feel now, the best thing is to mention to them in passing that you are sharing your grades with your friends and see how they react. If they react strongly, you might consider their feelings and limit what you say, but if they now seem like they could care less, then you have your answer.

Growing Up

Generally speaking, parents advise their children when they are young to restrain themselves, to think before they speak and to proceed with wisdom. They may feel now that you have enough intelligence to know what to do. It’s best to bring it up, or even convince them that you are comfortable sharing with close friends, and not to make it a bigger deal than it is.

Allah has told us in His book, “We have commanded people to honor their parents. Their mothers bore them in hardship and delivered them in hardship. Their ˹period of˺ bearing and weaning are thirty months. In time, when the child reaches their prime at the age of forty, they pray, “My Lord! Inspire me to ˹always˺ be thankful for Your favours which You blessed me and my parents with, and to do good deeds that please You. And instill righteousness in my offspring. I truly repent to You, and I truly submit ˹to Your Will˺.” [Quran, 46:15]

Please see these links:
When May Parents Be Disobeyed, and How?
What Constitutes Disobeying One’s Parents (’Uquq al-Walidayn)?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.