Should I Show Patience or Take Action Against My Disrespectful Roommate?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Should I expose my 70-year-old roommate to my landlord, as I recorded him disrespecting and cursing me, so I can have him removed from the house? Or should I let it go since I’m already moving out in 20 days?

Answer

Thank you for your question. You should not bother doing this, as exerting patience is a good exercise in this situation, and you are leaving soon; the effort is not worth it.

Adab and Patience

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“Those who do not show mercy to our young ones and do not realize the rights of our elders are not from us.” [Abu Dawud]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“The believer who mixes with people and bears their annoyance with patience will have a greater reward than the believer who does not mix with people and does not put up with their annoyance.” [Ibn Maja]

Many of us are tried and tested by the people around us, and patience and humility are key. Always keep your goal in mind: You must travel through this world giving to people more than taking, and you must have patience at every tribulation. Kindness and respect are beautiful qualities—when you show them to others, they are often reciprocated.

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“Worship Allah ˹alone˺ and associate none with Him. And be kind to parents, relatives, orphans, the poor, near and distant neighbours, close friends, ˹needy˺ travellers, and those ˹bondspeople˺ in your possession. Surely Allah does not like whoever is arrogant, boastful.“ [Quran, 4:36]

Landlord

Although this roommate was completely in the wrong, I feel the effort of complaining about him will distract you and could potentially cause a bigger problem if the landlord doesn’t take your side. You should still tell the landlord that your roommate is difficult to live with and recommend that another roommate not be forced to live with him.

Other than this, be kind, be patient, avoid him, and set boundaries. Tell him that you are being as quiet as possible and you would appreciate some compromise for the next 20 days. Also, look at his situation empathetically. If he is living with you at his age, he must not have a family or must be suffering from mental health issues or something more serious that has left him on his own.

Please see more details here:

• Can the Worst of People Become Good?
• What Should I Know Before Moving In With Hindu Roommates?
• Should I Share an Apartment With Two Non-Muslim Girls or Live on My Own?
• What do I do with my roommate?
• A Reader on Patience and Reliance on Allah

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.