What Should I Do After Discovering That My Dad Drinks?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
We recently went on a 4-day trip to Bahrain, and I caught my dad drinking, he did it four times from the bottles I saw. We are extremely religious, and he has kids to take care of. He has been very verbally abusive for 9 years, so drinking would be terrible plus it’s not good for our religious family. What should I do?
Answer
Thank you for your question. It truly is a disturbing thing to see what you have seen, but I pray that you continue on the same path of piety and be a guiding light for your father.
Alcohol
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “No one who is addicted to wine will enter Paradise.” [Ibn Majah]
Ibn ‘Umar reported God’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying, “Every intoxicant is khamr and every intoxicant is forbidden. He who drinks wine in this world and dies when he is addicted to it, not having repented, will not drink it in the next.” [Muslim]
Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil
Islam commands Muslims to enjoin good and forbid evil according to certain criteria, please see them here and act accordingly:
What Are the Criteria for Enjoining Good and Forbidding Evil?
Bring Him Good Company and Keep Him Busy
One of the best things that you can do is to find a good company for your father. Introduce him to scholars, influential people, and other religious elders. If you can, invite them over for dhikr, Quran recitation, or just dinner. Try surrounding your family with the kind of religious people he likes, so he can find inspiration from them.
In addition, try to help keep him busy with good things. Ask him to take you to the mosque, or for some other outing to bond with you. Ask him to spend time in nature with you. Suggest that he take up some form of exercise or better yet, volunteer for charity. Keeping oneself busy with good doesn’t give the nafs (ego) a chance to be busy with falsehood.
If You Confront Him
You may or may not choose to confront him, according to the criteria in the link above, but if you do, make it sweet and short. You would be surprised how even one sentence can get someone thinking or shame them into changing their ways.
If he does not change, remember that “no soul bears the burden of another” [Quran, 35:18]. He is an adult and must face his account on the Day of Judgment. Intend to try to help him, respectfully and effectively, but hand the matter over to Allah, for only He can change hearts. Continuously make dua for his salvation and redemption. Pray the Prayer of Need, make du`a at tahajjud time, and do what you can to make him love Allah and His Messenger so that he willingly turns away from this addiction.
Allah’s Aid
Find solace that Allah will help you to help him: The Prophet, Allah bless him and give him peace, said, “If anyone removes his brother’s anxiety of this world, Allah will remove for him one of the anxieties of the Day of resurrection; if anyone makes it easy for an impoverished man, Allah will make easy for him in this world and on the day of resurrection; if anyone conceals a Muslim’s secrets, Allah will conceal his secrets in this world and on the Day of resurrection; Allah will remain in the aid of a servant so long as the servant remains in the aid of his brother.” [Abu Dawud]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
