How Can I Marry the Man I Love After I Fornicated With Him but Our Istikhara Came Out Negative?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

I found someone and we both want to get married. His father did istikhara and the Syed said that this marriage is not gonna work. This scared us both because we love each other and want to get married in a halal way.

I did Zina (fornication) and I am regretting it every day. Do you think Allah is punishing us? And that is the reason why the Istikhara didn’t come out positive? Can you help us in this matter or give us advice on how we can find a way to put everything right and get married?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I am so sorry that you are going through this pain, but I want you to understand that intimacy before marriage is prohibited for these reasons.

Tawba

The very first thing you need to do is repent. You committed a grave sin and repentance is obligatory. Alhamdulillah, regret is one of the pillars of repentance and I know that, by Allah’s grace, you need not despair.

Please see this link on how to repent correctly:
Fornication and Forgiveness
Sincere Repentance from Zina

Options

You don’t have many options in front of you. I don’t know if his father’s istikhara has been interpreted correctly. You and your suitor should pray istikhara, as well, as there is no need for a mediator when seeking Allah’s guidance. Perhaps, the parents will concede if it is positive. You might also have his family come over and ask for your hand formally, and sit down with your suitor one last time to see how he is. This might cause a change of heart.

Either Way

To be honest, I think you have to prepare yourself for either marrying him or for walking away. If it doesn’t work out, you should rest assured, that it wasn’t meant to be and that there will be another whom you will love more, by Allah’s grace. Walking away means that you are accepting Allah’s guidance on the matter and that you are putting your Lord and His Messenger before your whims. There will be great reward in that. Please remember that the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), said, “Verily, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah, the Almighty, but that Allah will replace it with something better.” [Ahmad]

Turn to Allah

Always turn to Allah in times of distress, and in good times for that matter. Don’t miss prayers, ask for His guidance in everything, supplicate during auspicious times, and seek to remove all the haram and makruh (disliked actions) from your life. Prepare yourself for life, and marriage by taking a course on Islamic marriage here, and review your personally obligatory knowledge of worship. Read the Quran daily with the meaning and seek solutions to all your problems there.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.