How Can I Change My Daughter’s Attitude and Convince Her To Start Praying Again?

Question: My 12-year-old daughter refuses to offer her Salat and recite Qur’an, despite her seeing us fulfill these obligations daily in our household. How can we change her attitude and bring her in line?
Answer:Assalamu alaykum,

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your challenge to make your daughter understand the importance of praying and reading the Qur’an. This world has a way to rope teenagers in, with peer pressure and the desire to try new things, be different, and rebel.

I can give you the absolute best possible advice to read this article by Hina Khan-Mukhtar: Parenting: Planting the seeds of prayer in our young ones.

Bond

It is never too late for a person to change, but keep in mind that children who rebel need time. They might find their way back to guidance sooner or perhaps much later. Your job as a parent is to connect with them emotionally and start bonding with them. Spend time together every day, do her favorite things, and don’t bring up the prayer. After this bond is established, your understanding and respect for each other will increase. You need that respect and love as a stepping stone to start speaking to her about her religion. This love and respect for her parents will also enable her to want to spend time with the family.

Good company

Another thing that you should always do is to befriend good religious influential people. Keep them around you and your home. Pray together as a family (without forcing her) and avoid the haram in your home as much as possible. Pray on time, pray tahajjud, cover correctly, pay zakat, don’t consume anything unlawful, and safeguard yourself from backbiting or usury. Take a free course on Seekers to learn your personally obligatory knowledge. These things will ensure that you have barakah in your home no matter what your daughter is doing.

Never give up

Never give up on your du`as and pray the Prayer of Need. Allah hears all that you ask and He will decide what to give your daughter and when. Be patient until then and be kind to her. Also, be grateful that she is not involved in much worse things, like drugs or boys. Please see the links below for more information.

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad

Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, Tafseer, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She recently moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.