How Should a Revert Handle Family Opposition to Islam?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
I am a Muslim revert for the past 18 years. I have been married to my Muslim husband for 20 years. My mother has never accepted our marriage or our religion with ease. Recently, the tension has come to a head.
No matter what I do, say, or achieve for her, I cannot make her happy. My question is: will Allah punish me for not making my mother happy when I have tried everything to bring peace between us.
I think the only thing that would make her happy is for me to leave Islam and for my husband to get a divorce. This is against our religion and also nothing I would ever do. Any advice?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate
Allah Most High commands the believers to treat their parents with respect and kindness.
It is not required that one make one’s parents happy, as this is often beyond one’s control.
Allah Most High says, “Never will the Jews or Christians be pleased with you, until you follow their faith. Say, “Allah’s guidance is the only ˹true˺ guidance.” And if you were to follow their desires after ˹all˺ the knowledge that has come to you, there would be none to protect or help you against Allah.” [Quran; 2:120]
Furthermore, one must disobey their parents if their parents command them to do something against the Sacred law of Allah Most High.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “There is no obedience to creation in that which is disobedience of the Creator.” [Tabarani]
Allah Most High says, “We have commanded people to honor their parents. But if they urge you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, then do not obey them. To Me you will ˹all˺ return, and then I will inform you of what you used to do.” [Quran; 29:8]
Story of Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas
The great Quranic exegete, Ibn Kathir, narrates the story of Sa’d bin Abi Waqqas regarding the above verse:
It has been transmitted that Sa‘d bin Abi Waqqas said, “The verse ‘But if they pressure you to associate with Me what you have no knowledge of, do not obey them. Still keep their company in this world courteously, …” [Quran; 31:15] was revealed about me. I was someone who treated his mother very righteously.
When I embraced Islam, she said, ‘O Sa‘d, what is this religion that you’ve newly embraced?! You must leave this religion of yours, or else I will stop eating and drinking till I die. Your reputation will be stained because of me.’ I said, “O Mother, don’t do that; I will never leave my religion.”
After a day and a night without eating, she began to struggle. I said, ‘By Allah, if you had 1,000 souls and one by one, each soul came out, I would not leave this religion of mine for any reason.’
When she saw my resolve, she began to eat and drink again, so Allah Most High revealed this verse. [Ibn Kathir, Tafsir Ibn Kathir]
Advice
Just as the noble companion, Sa’d (Allah be pleased with him), exemplified, you must interact with your mother by treating her kindly and respectfully in all cases.
Additionally, with great respect, make it known that you will remain firm in your religion and you will not leave your husband.
Your perseverance in this manner is the real meaning of maintaining family ties.
The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “The one who maintains family ties is not he who merely reciprocates kindness. The one who maintains family ties is he who, despite his family cutting ties, strives to maintain them.” [Bukhari]
Lastly, the most important factor is to turn to Allah Most High in sincere supplication that He soften your mother’s heart and guide her.
It is greatly hoped that by these supplications and going above and beyond in your kindness, Allah Most High guides her and softens her heart.
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Related Answers
How Should Converts Handle Insults From Non-Muslim Parents?
A revert should respond to family opposition with patience, excellent character, kindness to parents, steadfastness in faith, and sincere prayer for their guidance.
Other relevant SeekersGuidance answers:
Parents’ Strong Refusal of Reverts
When facing family objections related to conversion, one should maintain family ties, seek wise mediation, and balance respect for parents with sound Islamic principles.
How Should I Deal With Family Members Who Have Left Islam?
Muslims should preserve family relationships through compassion, good character, appropriate boundaries, and continuous supplication for guidance.
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he went on to study at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and completed his studies in Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen. There he completed the memorization of the Qur’an and his study of the Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: al-Habib Umar bin Hafiz, al-Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, al-Shaykh Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others. Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
