Is It True That Women Don’t Like Sexual Intercourse?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

It is very commonly known that if you start talking with a girl that you like, and if you succeed by marrying her, you’ll lose love after marriage. Many speeches by scholars mention this. In Islam, if one just looks at a girl and marries her for her looks, but after marriage, one doesn’t like her because they didn’t talk and one didn’t learn much about her, what should one do? In both cases, one is losing love. Am I wrong?

Also, do girls really have sexual desire or do they just do it after marriage for children? It seems that men like sex more than women, is that because women don’t like it?

Answer

Thank you for your question.

Getting to Know Her

You have made some assumptions in your question that are not correct. A man should not approach a girl for an illicit relationship, but rather, he should approach the family to get to know her for marriage with her father’s permission. Speaking to one another without the knowledge of the parents is potentially sinful, dishonorable, and not recommended.

I was taught by my teacher that a prospective couple should take all the time they need to get to know one another under correct supervision and modesty, preferably in person. This doesn’t mean dating, but rather open discussions, without being secluded, and taking the time to understand one another’s views and priorities.

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) also encouraged looking at one another to decide on marriage, when he said, “When one of you asked a woman for marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so.” [Abu Dawud]

Intercourse

As for intercourse, women do desire it and don’t only participate in it for procreation. From the pile of questions that I receive, it seems that women desire it more than men, but scientific research shows that libido changes in both genders in one’s twenties, thirties and forties, sometimes being less in women and sometimes being more.

Before marriage, please be sure to cover the topic with a teacher or scholar, you will also find some good books on the subject. Learn what is forbidden and what is recommended and follow the tips here:
What Does Islam Say About the Neglect of the Wife’s Sexual Rights?
Wife’s Right To Intimacy
Islamic Guide to Sexual Relations
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.