Should My Wife and Children Sleep Where I Am Not Welcome?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Would it be wrong to expect my wife and children to decline to stay overnight at my in-laws’ home if I am not welcome to stay?
Answer
Thank you for your question. They absolutely should not sleep there if you are not welcome, as the harmony of your family unit is more important than your wife and kids spending time with their parents/grandparents.
Not Welcome
A woman must honour and venerate her husband, and your question indicates that respect is lacking. Anas reported God’s Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) as saying,
“When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity, and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.”
A way of saying nothing will prevent her from entering paradise. [Abu Nu‘aim, al-Hilya]
I don’t know the whole story. Are you barred from sleeping there? Was there just not enough space that night? Is this a continuous problem? Approach this issue with gentleness, open communication, and a willingness to find a solution. Show respect no matter what. Try to improve your relationship with the in-laws by being generous and kind and engaging them in conversation. As with any issue, turn to Allah with regular prayer, dhikr, and dua. Try to make peace for the sake of the relationship, especially for the children, to please your Lord Most High. In the meantime, it is reasonable for your family not to sleep there until you are welcome to join them.
Dua
Make this dua regularly and turn to Allah Most High to aid you in improving these important relationships.
رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً
“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]
Please see more details here:
- How Do I Start To See My In-Laws Again After We Decided Not To See Them?
- How to Get Along with the Family of My In-Laws?
- Relationship with one’s in-laws
- How Can I Help My Mother within My Husband’s Limits?
- Should I Listen to My Husband or My Mother?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
