Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
I just got married a year ago and have been a housewife since then. I do not have children. My husband purchased a huge 3-bedroom apartment for us to live in before marriage. Now I live in the house with my husband. I was not used to doing any housework other than cooking (we had house help from my parents). I feel like it takes up a little of my time.
My husband works from 5 to 5 on all six days of the week and doesn’t even move a spoon when he returns home. He wants to rest on the weekends. I have started to feel like his maid. He has no budget to hire a maid at least once a week. I am questioning the gender roles set by Allah Most High. I can’t make peace with my role. I feel like marriage is just not for me. Please guide.
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question, and may Allah Most High bless your marriage and increase love, harmony, mutual understanding, and a means of health and righteous children, Amin.
Every human is different by nature and gender, with different characteristics of roles, especially when a woman is newly married and tries to settle in her new role as wife, daughter-in-law, and mother-to-be in a completely different setting.
A man should work in a job and help out at home. A woman can work and should do the housework. If you come from a family who had a worker to clean and help out, it is understandable that you might want the same here. However, it did not happen straight away, and when your father afforded to do so, your mother needed help with your siblings.
The fulfillment of our needs happens gradually. You may request your husband, but be understanding that it will happen gradually. You are recently married, have come over to live with another human for life, and your husband has purchased a 3-bedroom apartment for you both; this is a major change and comfort for a woman. You are the head and queen of the house; it is all yours, so you should be house proud. If you were to make it as comfortable as you want using your own hands, you would come to appreciate it more and settle in, in sha’ Allah.
A Dutiful Wife Enters Paradise By Any Gate
This hadith beautifully sums up a woman’s life.
Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts her month of Ramadan, guards her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter Paradise from any gate she wishes.” [Ibn Hibban]
May Allah guide us all, and may He give you and your husband the best of this world and the Next, amin.
Perform two rak’at, Prayer of Need (Salat al-Haja), and ask Allah Most High to make you settle in your new home, fulfill your needs, and increase you in knowledge, good actions, and spiritual excellence.
I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. You will receive guidance and direction, in sha’ Allah.
- Should Women Prioritize Their Life at Home over Work?
- What Are the Rewards of Cleaning One’s Home?
- Explaining Misunderstood Hadith About Women.
- Istikhara, The Prayer of Seeking Guidance: The Ultimate Guide – A Reader.
Why not begin your search for knowledge by signing up for a course on SeekersGuidance?
I pray this helps with your question.
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel is a traditionally trained scholar who has studied in the UK, India, Pakistan, Syria, Jordan, and Turkey. He started his early education in the UK. He went on to complete the hifz of the Quran in India, then enrolled in an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied the secular and ‘Aalimiyya sciences. He then traveled to Karachi, Pakistan. He has been an Imam in Rep of Ireland for several years. He has taught hifz of the Quran, Tajwid, Fiqh, and many other Islamic sciences to children and adults onsite and online extensively in the UK and Ireland. He taught at a local Islamic seminary for 12 years in the UK, where he was a librarian and a teacher of Islamic sciences. He currently resides in the UK with his wife. His interest is a love of books and gardening.