Can I Stay Friends with People Who Curse, Backbite, and Sin?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
Can I remain friends with those who swear, backbite, or engage in sinful entertainment if leaving them would harm my mental health?
I’ve done istikhara and feel inclined to keep them for da’wah, but making new friends is difficult.
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your difficulty in making new friends, but there is truth behind the saying, “Tell me who your friends are, and I will tell you who you are,” or “Birds of a feather flock together.”
Company
Be careful with the company you keep because they impact you no matter what. Immoral friends may be fun in the short term, but in the long term, you will probably find more harm than good. Our Beloved Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) advised us, saying,
“A person is on the religion of his close friend, so let him carefully examine whom he befriends.” [Tirmidhi; Abu Dawud]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The similitude of good company and bad company is that of the owner of the musk and the one blowing the bellows. The owner of the musk would either offer you some free of charge, or you would buy it from him, or you smell its pleasant fragrance; and as for the one who blows the bellows (i.e., the blacksmith), he either burns your clothes or you smell a repugnant smell.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Mental Health
You can remain friends with them if you have a genuine intention to give them da‘wa, but I encourage you to reduce your interaction. Make the intention to look for new friends and make du`a to Allah to facilitate it, He will help you by His grace.
- Guard your iman: Don’t compromise on your values. Don’t swear, don’t backbite with them, don’t miss prayers….
- Don’t become desensitized to their behavior; monitor your behavior
- Set boundaries: Don’t participate in or approve of their habits.
- Be a good influence: Share beneficial reminders, suggest halal activities, and encourage better habits, take them to the mosque.
- Make new friends gradually by attending Islamic events or the mosque
- Make dua for them.
Dua
Please say this supplication daily:
اللَّهُمَ حَبَّبْ إِلَيْنَا الْإِيمَانَ وَزَيِّنْهُ فِي قُلُوبِنَا، وَكَرِّهْ إِلَيْنَا الْكُفْرَ وَالْفُسُوقَ وَالْعِصْيَانَ وَاجْعَلْنَا مِنَ الرَّاشِدِينَ
“O Allah, make our faith beloved to us and beautify it in our hearts and make hateful to us disbelief, wickedness and disobedience, and make us of those rightly guided.” [Dua taken from the Quran, 49:7]
اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْهُ هَادِيًا مَهْدِيًّا وَاهْدِ بِهِ
“O Allah, make him a guiding one, and guide (others) by him.” [Tirmidhi]
Please see more details here:
- Am I Sinning if I Have Friends that Swear in Public?
- What Should I Do With Friends Who Swear and Backbite?
- Can We Use Cultural Vulgar Words amongst Our Friends?
- Can I Cut Off a Friend Who Shows Me Sinful Things, Lies and Touches Me Wrongly?
- Is It My Fault for Introducing My Friend to a Sinful Lifestyle?
- Following Others in Sin
- What Constitutes Slander, Backbiting and How to Avoid It?
- What To Do When You Hear Slander and Backbiting
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
