Does Islam Prefer Virgins Over Previously Married Women in Marriage?

Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch

Question

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) did make general encouragements to marry a virgin spouse over a previously married spouse.

A virgin is defined as anyone who has not previously engaged in intercourse, whether married or unmarried.

The Prophetic narration that you quoted supports this fact.

Understanding the Reason

Many of Islam’s rulings address generalities and do not address specifics or exceptions. In general, the heart of a virgin spouse is less likely to be attached to another person, unlike the divorced/widowed spouse who may still have an emotional attachment to their previous husband.

For this reason, the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “I enjoin you to marry virgins, for indeed they have more pleasant mouths, more receptive wombs, and are more content with less.” [Ibn Majah]

Commentary

Pleasant mouths is explained by the scholars of commentary to mean that virgins are less likely to be curt in their speech due to an increased shyness and less likely to speak down at their husbands. [‘Ali Qari; Mirqat al-Mafatih]

More receptive wombs is understood to mean that virgins are more likely to conceive and to have more children, this is obvious if one considers the likelihood of a virgin being younger in age than a previously married woman. [Ibid.]

More content with less is understood to mean that they are less in need of more frequent intercourse due to their shyness. Others understood it to mean that she is in need of less food, clothing, or other comforts. [Ibid.]

Generalities not Specifics

In this narration, we can see three distinctions that are generally found in a virgin and less often found in a divorced or widowed woman.

Note that this narration does not mean that previously married women do not have these qualities; it’s just less likely than in a virgin. Also, these distinctions are not inherently religious, although they may have religious implications. Rather, these qualities are more at the level of compatibility.

There may be many previously married women who fit this description far better than a virgin, and there are indeed distinctions that a previously married woman has over a virgin. The encouragement here is a general encouragement.

The biggest distinction is likely the basis of these qualities: a previously married woman has standards due to her experience with marriage. She will have standards and expectations in various aspects of her marital relationship with her husband. [Ibid.]

The Benefit of Marrying a Virgin by Imam Ghazali

Imam Ghazali writes under the heading “benefits of marrying a virgin”: “From the benefits of marrying a virgin is that she will love and be fond of her husband. She will naturally find love and comfort in him, being that he is her first husband.

As for the one who has experience with men and knows well the states of marriage, then perhaps she may not like some of the qualities (in her new husband) which go against what she is familiar with. This may cause her to have ill feelings toward her husband.

Likewise, the husband may love her, and because of this, he will have a natural aversion to any man who has been intimate with her, which may be difficult for him to handle whenever he is reminded. Some people have a stronger aversion to this than others.” [Ghazali, Ihya’ ‘Ulum al-Din]

The Prophetic Example

In support that these realities are not necessarily found in every woman, virgin or otherwise, is the Prophetic example. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) married a twice-widowed woman as his first wife. Additionally, she was 15 years older than he was. [‘Amiri; Bahjat al-Mahafil]

After the passing of our Mother Khadija (Allah be pleased with her), the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) went on to marry several non-virgin women. The only virgin woman he married was our Mother ‘Aisha, the daughter of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq. [Ibid.]

The Marriages of the Prophet

1st) Our Mother Khadija bint Khuwalid (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Khadija, who was twice widowed, at the age of 25 when Khadija was 40 years old.  [Ibn Asakir, al-‘Arbain fi Manaqib Ummahat al-Mu’minin]

2nd) Our Mother Sawda bint Zam‘a (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Sawda after the passing of Sayyidatuna Khadija. Sawda was a widow as well. [Ibid.]

3rd) Our Mother ‘Aisha (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married ‘Aisha bint Abi Bakr just after the migration. She was the only virgin of the blessed wives of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) [Ibid.]

4th) Our Mother Hafsa bint ‘Umar bin al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) married Hafsa 30 months after the migration. Hafsa was also a widow. [Ibid.]

5th) Our Mother Umm Salama: Hind bint Abi Umayya (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Umm Salama in the 4th year after the migration. Umm Salama was also a widow. [Ibid.]

6th) Our Mother Juwayriyya bint Haritha (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) married Juwayriyya after her husband was killed in the battle of Marisi‘. She was a widow as well. [Ibid.]

7th) Our Mother Zaynab bint Jahsh (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Zaynab in the 5th year after the migration. She was a divorcee. [Ibid.]

8th) Our Mother Zaynab bint Khuzayma (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Zaynab 31 months after the migration. In her first marriage, she was widowed. She was then a divorcee from her second marriage. Her third marriage was with the Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace). [Ibid.]

9th) Our Mother Umm Habiba: Ramla bint Abi Sufyan

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Umm Habiba 7 years after the migration, when Umm Habiba was over 30 years old. She was previously married to ‘Abdullah bin Jahsh, who left Islam and died in Abyssinia. [Ibid.]

10th) Our Mother Safiyya bint Huyyay (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Safiyya after the Battle of Khaybar. She was also previously married. [Ibid.]

11th) Our Mother Maymuna (Allah be pleased with her)

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) married Maymuna 7 years after the migration. She had been previously married twice and widowed. She was the last of the wives He married. [Ibid.]

From the above, we can see that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) himself only married one virgin. All of his other blessed wives were either widows or divorcees, many of whom were not young at the time of marriage.

The Most Important Quality

All of the wives of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), the Mothers of the Believers, had in common, despite having been previously married (except for ‘Aisha), righteousness. The religious practice of a woman (and a man as well) is the most important quality one should look for in a spouse, regardless of her status (virgin or not).

The Verse in Question

As for the verse you asked about, it is below.

Allah Most High mentions in rebuke of some of the Prophet’s wives, “Perhaps, if he were to divorce you ˹all˺, his Lord would replace you with better wives who are submissive ˹to Allah˺, faithful ˹to Him˺, devout, repentant, dedicated to worship and fasting—previously married or virgins.” [Quran, 66:5]

This verse actually supports the above discussion that virgins are not inherently better than previously married women.

Notice that Allah Most High mentions both previously married women and virgins, and He even mentions previously married women first.

Lastly, notice that the mention of their marital status came last, preceded by their relationship with Allah and their dedication to His worship, which is most important.

In Closing

The encouragement of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) was not a discouragement to marry others. The Messenger emphasized seeking out someone based on their religious practice and character. It may be that a previously married woman, due to her life experience, has better religious practice and character than many virgin women.

Unfortunately, people will use the Sacred texts of Islam for self-serving motives by picking and choosing what supports their narrative. There is no justification in Islam, and especially not in the Prophetic example, for anyone to look down on previously married women or to deem them less-than. Each has its positives, and every individual is different than the next.

The Prophetic guidance must be understood wholistically. One must keep both the words and meanings together with the intent of mercy that imbues everything the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) did and commanded.

And Allah knows best.

May Allah grant you clarity and ease

[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he went on to study at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and completed his studies at Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen.

There, he completed memorization of the Quran and his studies in Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study, he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: Habib Umar bin Hafiz, Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, Shaykh ‘Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others.

Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.