How Can I Convince My Mother to Accept a Suitor Who Will Convert from Hinduism?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am a Muslim woman who wants to marry a man who is planning on reverting from Hinduism. He is currently practicing as a Muslim. However, my mum is against it as his family is not Muslim and fears the influence they may have on our children, despite his family not practicing Hinduism.
I have prayed istikhara recently, and my mum forced me to end things with this man. I have also prayed continuously for signs that he is the one for me, and I am given signs. He and I have discussed in depth how to reduce/eliminate the possible influence of his family on our children and are happy to proceed, but my mum is not accepting of it. His family is fine with it. Please advise me.
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah grant you patience and help you reach an understanding with your mother to either move forward or move on.
Convert
It worries me that he has not converted to Islam yet. What is he waiting for? Will he only convert if your mother accepts him for marriage? Step away from your emotions and ask yourself if you are marrying this man for religion as we have been instructed by the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace). He (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to us, and it applies to both genders: “A woman is married for four things: for her wealth, for her lineage, for her beauty or her piety. Select the pious or your hands will be covered in dust!” [Bukhari; Muslim]
Yes or No
I’m afraid that this matter is lingering on too long and it seems that your mother is unlikely to change. Although you only need your father’s permission to proceed, it is desirable and easier to have hers as well. You should emotionally prepare yourself to end this and move on. It won’t be easy but time will heal the pain. As a last resort, have your parents sit with him one more time after he converts, and have a last conversation about his values, his life, and goals. A Face-to-face meeting will either consolidate their rejection or make them think twice.
If it does go south, remember this important hadith. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “You don’t leave anything for the sake of Allah except that Allah replaces it with something better.” [Ahmad]
Turn to Allah
Allah Most High has told us in the Quran, “And whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him, He will make a way for him to get out (from every difficulty). And He will provide for him from sources he never could imagine. And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, then He will suffice him. Verily, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Indeed Allah has set a measure for all things.” [Quran, 65:2-3]
Turn to your Lord now by learning the religion correctly and applying it in the best way that you can. Pray on time, read the Quran every day, and make dua in the last third of the night for clarity and guidance. Take a course on marriage with us to prepare yourself. Guard your heart, and don’t get emotionally attached to any man, until you marry with your parents’ blessing. Submit to that which Allah facilitates and leave that which Allah makes difficult, and you will find peace in the decision, in sha Allah.
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
