How Can I Find My Way Back to Allah When I Have Hit Rock Bottom?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I have fallen into persistent sin after struggling with waswasa and depression. I feel distant from Allah, hopeless, and overwhelmed by failure in both deen and dunya. How can I find a way back to Allah when I feel like I have completely failed?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I empathize with your deep pain, but remember that many people are righteous now because they were exactly in your situation once, and that brought them even closer to God.
Allah’s Mercy
There is no sin that your Merciful Lord does not forgive, except shirk (associating partners with Allah), so please don’t despair. He emphasizes this in His words:
“Say: My servants who have wronged yourselves, never despair of God’s mercy. God forgives all sins: He is truly the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.” [Quran, 39:53]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“By Him in Whose Hand is my life, if you were not to sin, Allah would sweep you out of existence and He would replace (you by) those people who would commit sin and seek forgiveness from Allah, and He would have pardoned them.” [Muslim]
One of the most excellent ranks in Islam is the rank of the penitent. The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“All of the children of Adam are prone to error (sin), and the best of those who err (sin) are those who constantly repent.” [Tirmidhi]
Start Small
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are consistent, even if they are small.” [Bukhari; Muslim]
You don’t need to be perfect to turn back to Allah. Turning to him in a state of brokenness is the best time to do so because it can transform you and bring real change and sincerity. Sometimes it takes a lot of pain to realize that Allah Most High loves you and waits for you to turn back to Him. I encourage you to read Surat al-Duha and its tafsir because this is the perfect sura to find inspiration and hope.
- Renewing Hope: Reflection on Surat al-Duha (Part 1) – Shaykh Yahya Rhodus
- Renewing Hope: Reflection on Surah al-Duha (Part 2) – Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Tips
Start with the obligatory prayer. Pray as much as you can and build it up slowly. Be certain that Allah will help you do it. Continue to repent. Never stop. I don’t care if you sin again right after. Never stop the repentance. Tawba and sin are in constant war with each other, and one will eventually overcome the other, so never stop the tawba. Read and reflect on the Quran daily, even if it is one verse.
Take steps to eliminate what triggers your sins. Reduce screen time, choose positive religious friends, volunteer to help the disadvantaged, spend time in nature, and get fresh air and exercise. Take Vitamin D if you are deficient.
Anytime you have a negative thought, seek refuge from the Devil. I urge you to seek professional help from a Muslim therapist or counsellor, or see your doctor.
Dua
Please make this dua of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) regularly and the du`a of Prophet Moses (Allah bless him) below it:
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الشَّيْطَانِ الرَّجِيمِ وَهَمْزِهِ وَنَفْخِهِ وَنَفْثِهِ
“O Allah, I seek refuge in You from the accursed Satan, from his whispering, his prompting (arrogance), and his evil poetry (insinuations).“ [Ibn Maja]
رَبِّ إِنِّي لِمَا أَنزَلْتَ إِلَيَّ مِنْ خَيْرٍ فَقِيرٌ
“My Lord, I am in absolute need of the good You send me.” [Quran, 28:24]
Please see very valuable advice here:
- Dealing with Depression: Elucidation
- Dealing with Depression: Understanding and Experience
- The Human Condition and the Sira – Shaykh Dr Asim Yusuf
- Abu Zayd Balkhi on Depression – Shaykh Dr Asim Yusuf
- Trying to Practice but Feel Like a Failure: What Should I Do?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
