How Can I Get My Mother to Stop Sharing My Life with Others?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How can I respectfully stop my mother from sharing my personal information with others, especially when she becomes upset or claims authority as my parent?

Answer

Thank you for your question. You can’t stop her, but you can respectfully ask her to do so, and be patient if she does it anyway.

Mother’s Rank

Allah Most High said in the Quran,

“And your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age (while) with you, say not to them (so much as), ‘uff,’ and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word.” [Quran, 17:23]

A person came to the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) and asked, “Who among people is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He said, ”Your mother.” He again asked, “Who next?” ”Your mother,” the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) replied again. He asked, “Who next?” He said again, “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” Thereupon he said, “Then your father.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

In another narration: “O Messenger of Allah! Who is most deserving of my fine treatment?” He said, “Your mother, then your mother, then your mother, then your father, then your nearest, then nearest.” [Ibid.]

Ibn ‘Umar (Allah be pleased with him) saw a Yemeni man circumambulating the Ka‘ba, carrying his mother on his back, saying: “I am her humble camel; if other mounts spook easily, I do not.”  Then he said: “O Ibn ‘Umar, do you think I have paid her back?” He said: “No, not even one contraction.” [Bukhari]

Sharing Information

Although your mother has a high rank with Allah Most High, you still have a right to ask her to keep details to herself. It would be worthwhile to tell her your reason for not telling others and convince her that it is in your best interest that she not speak about your affairs.

In the end, remember that if your mother is sharing personal information, she is probably doing it because she is proud of you or worried about you, and she needs advice or support from friends and relatives. Or she is sharing the joy that she feels with others, which is natural. If her gossip is getting out of hand, be patient and limit what you tell her.

Dua

Please say this dua, taken from the words of the Quran:

O Allah, make our faith beloved to us and beautify it in our hearts and make hateful to us disbelief, wickedness and disobedience, and make me of those rightly-guided.

Please see more details here:

• How Do I Deal With a Mother Who Constantly Backbites and Gossips About Family?
• Can You Give Some Tips on Not Oversharing or Talking Too Much?
• Should I Stop Correcting My Mother and Just Love Her?
• How Can I Deal With My Difficult Mother in a Respectful Way?
  How Can I Guide My Parents to the Right Path?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.