How Can I Guide My Teen Back to Islam When She Lives a Double Life?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

How can we guide our teenage daughter back to Islam when she lives a double life, breaks family rules, and engages in harmful activities despite our efforts?

Answer

Thank you for your question. I empathize with your pain, and you are not alone in this. Patience, bonding, dua, and creativity are key.

Back to Islam

Guiding your teenage daughter back to Islam requires patience, compassion, and consistent effort. Focus on building trust, strengthening your relationship, and leading by example.

Avoid harsh criticism. Openly discuss her struggles and the beauty of Islam in a non-judgmental way. Encourage her to connect with positive religious Muslim peers, do family activities that she enjoys, pray together as a family, and show her boundless love. Seek help from trusted scholars or elders that she respects for advice.

Change takes time, so remain steadfast and rely on Allah’s mercy. For many practical and useful tips, see the links below.

Dua

Your supplications are heard as a parent; I urge you to breathe dua day and night for her guidance and the guidance of all youth. Take advantage of auspicious times and places for your dua.

رَبَّنَا لَا تُزِغْ قُلُوبَنَا بَعْدَ إِذْ هَدَيْتَنَا وَهَبْ لَنَا مِنْ لَدُنْكَ رَحْمَةً ۚ إِنَّكَ أَنْتَ الْوَهَّابُ

“Our Lord! Do not let our hearts deviate after you have guided us. Grant us Your mercy. You are indeed the Giver (of all bounties).” [Quran, 3:8]

رَبَّنَا هَبْ لَنَا مِنْ أَزْوَاجِنَا وَذُرِّيَّاتِنَا قُرَّةَ أَعْيُنٍ وَاجْعَلْنَا لِلْمُتَّقِينَ إِمَاماً

“Our Lord! Bless us with (pious) spouses and offspring who will be the joy of our hearts, and make us models for the righteous.” [Quran, 25:74]

Please see more details here:

• My Teenage Son Is Not a Good Muslim
• How Should I Handle a Teenager Who Wants to Give up on Islam?
• How Should I Help a Teenager Using Social Media Inappropriately?
• What Are the Best Ways for a Teenager to Spend Her Free Time?
• How to Counsel a Teenager with Religious Shortcomings?
• My Teenager Is Disrespectful and Has No Empathy. What Do I Do?
• How Do I Connect With Rebellious and Angst Filled Youth?
• How Can I Change My Daughter’s Attitude and Convince Her To Start Praying Again?
  Parenting: Planting the seeds of prayer in our young ones

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.