How Can I Help My Sick Child Beat His Gaming Addiction?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
My son has Marfan Syndrome and has undergone several major surgeries, impacting his confidence and ability to integrate into the community. He also lacks a strong paternal presence.
We found escapism in online gaming, but while I turned to faith, he is struggling with gaming addiction. How can I help him overcome this?
Answer
Thank you for your question. I pray that your son can find solace and tranquility in the remembrance of God and prayer and that he recognizes that he can find better ways to cope.
Marfan Syndrome
Marfan syndrome is a genetic condition that affects the body’s connective tissue, and it can affect many different parts of the body. Features of the disorder are most often found in the heart, blood vessels, bones, joints, and eyes. Some Marfan features – for example, aortic enlargement (expansion of the main blood vessel that carries blood away from the heart to the rest of the body) – can be life-threatening. The lungs, skin, and nervous system may also be affected. Marfan syndrome does not affect intelligence. [The Marfan Foundation]
Allah Loves Him
Remind your son that Allah Most High loves him and that His Lord tests those He loves. This makes him worthy and special, and his reward will be tremendous, insha’Allah. The first step is recognizing that he is not cursed or punished, but rather that whatever he undergoes is good for him because he is a believer.
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Wondrous is the affair of the believer! All of his affairs are good. This is not the case for anyone except the believer: If something pleasing happens to him, he is grateful, and that is good for him. If something harmful happens to him, he is patient, and that is good for him.” [Muslim]
The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people, He tests them. Whoever accepts that wins His pleasure, but whoever is discontent with that earns His wrath.” [Ibn Maja]
Paternal Presence
A strong father figure can make a huge difference in your son’s life. If his father is not around, please find him a mentor, an imam or other elder that he can spend time with. He must have another person to spend time with him and offer guidance, support, and love.
Self-esteem
Generally speaking, he needs to build up his self-esteem. Encourage him to see the beauty in his resilience and strength after overcoming surgeries. Reaffirm his worth, his intelligence, his good character, his kindness, and his skills, and emphasize that his abilities go beyond any physical limitations.
Help him find hobbies or talents that don’t focus on his condition—art, nasheeds, low-impact sports (like golf or archery), reading, writing, or some technology-related activities that give him a sense of achievement and pride.
Let him know you understand his struggle and validate his feelings without minimizing them. This will help him feel heard and less isolated.
Gaming
Always be gentle in your approach, never get angry, and speak to him how you would want to be spoken to. The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah is Gentle and loves gentleness, and He grants reward for it that He does not grant for harshness.” [Ibn Maja] Whatever you decide to do, plan to deal with this with mercy and gentleness.
- Ask him why gaming has become so important. Show that you understand it’s his way of coping.
- Gradually set time limits for gaming and ensure there are other enjoyable activities or responsibilities in his schedule. Let him be part of the process by discussing and agreeing on limits.
- Introduce him to activities that feel just as engaging or rewarding as gaming, like learning something new together, exercising, or playing board games. Do them as a family.
- Celebrate his progress and recognize and reward him when he plays less.
Religion
Introduce him to the Deen as you would any teenager. Pray together. Read books together. Read a page or two of the translation of the Quran together every night, until you finish the whole thing. Do the same with a book of seera (biography of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace)).
Find him young, positive religious people that he can befriend, perhaps from a youth group. Take him to the mosque regularly, not only for the Friday prayer. Teach him to make dua when he is stressed out or needs to cope. Share how Islam has helped you personally during challenges and be a role model in exerting patience. Have him read about the challenges that Muslims have faced throughout history, and even now, and how their faith is their rock.
Please consider enrolling him in a free course with us that piques his interest or taking the course with him.
Dua
I encourage you to pray the Prayer of Need, see full details below:
لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ الْحَلِيمُ الْكَرِيمُ, سُبْحَانَ اللَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَرْشِ الْعَظِيمِ، الْحَمْدُ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِين
أَسْأَلُكَ مُوجِبَاتِ رَحْمَتِكَ وَعَزَائِمَ مَغْفِرَتِكَ وَالْغَنِيمَةَ مِنْ كُلِّ بِرٍّ وَالسَّلامَةَ مِنْ كُلّ إِثْمٍ
لا تَدَعْ لِي ذَنْبًا إِلا غَفَرْتَهُ وَلا هَمًّا إِلا فَرَّجْتَهُ وَلا حَاجَةً هِيَ لَكَ رِضًا إِلا قَضَيْتَهَا يَا أَرْحَمَ الرَّاحِمِينَ
“There is no god but Allah the Clement and Wise. There is no god but Allah the High and Mighty. Glory be to Allah, Lord of the Tremendous Throne. All praise is to Allah, Lord of the worlds.
I ask you (O Allah) everything that leads to your mercy, and your tremendous forgiveness, enrichment in all good, and freedom from all sin.
Do not leave a sin of mine (O Allah), except that you forgive it, nor any concern except that you create for it an opening, nor any need in which there is your good pleasure except that you fulfill it, O Most Merciful!”
Please see more details here:
- Raising Children with Deen and Dunya
- How Should a Muslim Deal with Chronic Illness?
- Am I to Blame for My Chronic Illness?
- Are There Any Supplications for My Health Issues?
- Youth Curriculum
The Prayer Of Need (Salat al-Haja)?
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
