How Can I Learn to Be More Attentive and Loving with My Mother?
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
When I hear my mother talk, I feel that I immediately tune out and don’t listen to what she says. I will give her a short acknowledgment when she talks, but I think she can tell I am not genuinely interested. I feel that this is disrespectful, and I don’t know when I picked up this habit, but it has been going on for some time.
My mother doesn’t have many friends, so I feel that I should connect with her more. I think that I don’t give her the respect she deserves, and it makes me feel guilty. I want to change and love my mother more. Do you have any books I can read or valuable tips so I can improve?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your sincerity and for wanting to be a better son. I pray that you also have children who pay attention to you when you need it most.
Attention
There are many ways to give your mother more attention and love. Some of them include prophetic sunnas, such as:
- turning fully to face the person speaking;
- making eye contact when you converse with them;
- smiling when you are with them.
Other things that you can do are the usual things that people love, such as making a cup of tea for them, or picking up a coffee for them, initiating a conversation with them to see how their day went, telling them a joke, and the best of all, praying with them. And mothers love hugs! You would do well to make a daily practice. These actions will help you bond, and you must remember, above all, where Paradise lies.
Paradise
Jahima came to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and said: “O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice.” He said, “Do you have a mother?” He said: “Yes.” He said: “Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.” [Nasa’i]
And he said, Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace), “The best of the deeds-or deed-is the (observance of) prayer at its proper time and kindness to the parents.“ [Muslim]
Please see these links as well for many good tips:
Filial Piety: Being Dutiful Towards One’s Parents: A SeekersGuidance Reader
Perfect Mercy – The Prophet as a Friend
Seeking the Pleasure of Allah and His Messenger– Habib Umar
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
