How Can I Lower My Gaze Naturally When I Speak to Women?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Is it permissible to briefly extend the first glance to ease anxiety from OCD, and could you provide step-by-step guidance on how to lower the gaze naturally when encountering women?

Answer

Thank you for your question. It is not permissible to extend the first glance, but perhaps you can send us more details about why your OCD would require that. Lowering the gaze can be hard at first, but with practice, it will become second nature, insha’Allah.

Lowering the Gaze

Allah Most High has told us in the Quran,

“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity. That is purer for them. Surely Allah is All-Aware of what they do. And tell the believing women to lower their gaze, guard their chastity, and not reveal their adornments except what normally appears. Let them draw their veils over their chests and not reveal their (hidden) adornments except to their husbands, their fathers, their fathers-in-law, their sons, their stepsons, their brothers, their brothers’ sons or sisters’ sons, their fellow women, those (bondwomen) in their possession, male attendants with no desire, or children who are still unaware of women’s nakedness. Let them not stamp their feet, drawing attention to their hidden adornments. Turn to Allah in repentance altogether, O  believers, so that you may be successful. [Quran, 24:30]

“And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and guard their chastity, and not to reveal their adornments except what normally appears. (…)” [Quran, 24:31]

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said to ‘Ali:

“O ‘Ali, do not give a second look, (because) while you are not to blame for the first, you have no right to the second.” [Abu Dawud]

Make it a Habit

Lowering the gaze is a divine injunction and a means of protecting the heart and preventing actions that lead to sin. It can be learned, just like any habit.

• Start each day with a renewed intention to guard your eyes from the haram and seek help from Allah to accomplish this.
• Intend it proactively, not merely as a reaction.
• Don’t let the first glance turn into a stare.
• Immediately look down, or at the sky, or at something else like the wall.
• Do it without hesitation. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes.
• Make dhikr to remind you of Allah and why you are looking away.
• You should still smile so you don’t scare off the lady you are speaking to, or make Islam look bad.
• Practice at home by avoiding screen time and not watching videos that feature uncovered women, so you aren’t desensitized.
• Remember that the more you discipline yourself, the more presence of heart you will have and the less power desire will have over you.
• Seek marriage if you can because it helps to guard your gaze and heart.

Dua

Please say this prophetic dua regularly:

للَّهُمَّ طَهِّرْ قَلْبِي مِنَ النِّفَاقِ وَعَمَلِي مِنَ الرِّيَاءِ وَلِسَانِي مِنَ الْكَذِبِ وَعَيْنِي مِنَ الْخِيَانَةِ فَإِنَّكَ تَعْلَمُ خَائِنَةَ الْأَعْيُنِ وَمَا تُخْفِي الصُّدُورُ.

“O Allah, purify my heart from hypocrisy, my action from vain show, my tongue from falsehood and my eyes from wrongful glances, for Thou knowest the surreptitious looks of the eyes and what is concealed in the breasts.” [Bayhaqi]

Please see more details here:

• What Are the Benefits of Lowering the Gaze?
• When is it obligatory to lower one’s gaze? To what extent does the prohibition of looking at people doing haram apply?
• Lower Your Gaze – Shaykh AbdulKarim Yahya
• On Lowering the Gaze – Habib Umar
• How Do I Lower My Gaze When Having to Interact with Female Customers? – Shaykh Abdul-Rahim Reasat

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.