How Much Autonomy Does a Married Woman Have?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Does obedience to a guardian mean they can control all aspects of a woman’s life, including her goals, ambitions, hobbies, and friendships (as long as they are reasonable)? What is the extent of a woman’s autonomy, and how should a guardian act within the limits of kindness and reasonableness?

Answer

Thank you for your question. Obedience to a guardian such as a father or husband is important, but it must be applied in such a way that the authority of the guardian and the autonomy of the woman are balanced with respect, kindness, and justice.

Guardian’s Role

‘Abdullah ibn ‘Umar said that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock. The ruler in charge of the people is a shepherd, and he is responsible for his flock. A man is the shepherd of his family and is responsible for his flock. A woman is the shepherd of her husband’s household and is responsible for her flock. A servant is the shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for his flock. Each of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

The guardian’s role is to protect, guide, advise and support his wife and children, ensuring that her rights are upheld and that she is treated fairly. He should follow the sunna of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) in this, as he is our role model, and not seek to control every aspect of her life.

Autonomy

It was said, “O Messenger of Allah, what type of wife is best? He said, ‘The one who makes (her husband) happy when he looks at her, and she obeys him if he instructs her to do something, and she does not do anything with regard to herself or his wealth in a manner of which he does not approve.’” [Ahmad]

In the shari‘a, a woman has the right to pursue education, work, and personal goals, and manage her finances, and choose her friends provided they are done within the limits of Islam. They should not contravene the shari`a, or compromise modesty or interfere with her primary duties.

If a husband doesn’t approve of the company she keeps, she must listen to him, as a man must guide his family as he sees fit, and that is part of protecting them. Part of her obligations in the Shafi‘i school is that she not allow people in the house that he doesn’t approve of.

Please see more details here:

• What Are My Obligations in Obeying My Husband in the Shafi’i School?
• Can You Advise of Husband and Wife’s Rights and Responsibilities in Islam?

Guardian’s Treatment

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.” [Bukhari; Muslim]

A Muslim guardian’s authority should always be exercised with kindness, respect, and wisdom. The Prophet’s character was exemplary in how he conducted his family life and he (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” [Tirmidhi]

He should support her aspirations, consult her in matters that affect the family, and not impose unreasonable demands or restrictions. He must treat her as he would want his mother, daughter or sister to be treated.

Such a woman should, in turn, accept his good treatment and reciprocate. She should offer respect, love, obedience and accept his guidance without letting her ego get in the way, especially when it concerns her safety and following the shari‘a. She should aim to fulfill these words of the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace):

“The world is but a (quick passing) enjoyment; and the best enjoyment of the world is a pious and virtuous wife.” [Muslim]

Dua

Please say this supplication regularly:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ الْهُدَى وَالتُّقَى وَالْعَفَافَ وَالْغِنَى

“O God, I ask Thee for guidance, piety, self-control and sufficiency.” [Muslim]

Please see these links as well:

• Why Is It That a Man Can Control Where His Wife Goes?
• Keys to Successful Muslim Marriages: Practical Lessons that Explain the Prophetic Spirit of Marriage
  Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage
• Is It True That a Man Can Prevent His Wife From Leaving the House for No Reason?

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.