How Should I Deal with the Changing Moods of My Mother?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad


If my mother tells me to do whatever I want and then tells me to do something, can I not obey her if I don’t want to, as this is also obeying her?


Thank you for your question. Your question is a little confusing, so I cannot give you a simple black and white answer.

Goodness to Parents

Allah Most High has said in the Quran, “For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honor your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never tell them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully.” [Quran, 17:23]

As such, you should be as nice as possible to her and generally obey her in what is permissible and recommended. Your patience and devotion will not go unrewarded, and I pray that Allah Most High will compensate you with children who will also treat you well. If there is something difficult that you can’t do, tell her openly and politely and compromise on the issue, this will be much better in the long run than ignoring or neglecting her requests.

Please see these links as well:
To What Extent Should I Obey My Mother?
Goodness to Parents – A Reader

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.

[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani 

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.