How Should One Respond When Parental Wishes Are Unknowingly Disregarded?
Answered by Shaykh Yusuf Weltch
Question
Am I sinful for buying an abaya without realizing it went against my father’s wishes, and for staying silent when my mother denied it to him?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
Due to your not realizing it, your initial purchase of the Abaya was not sinful, even if it went against your father’s wishes. This is because Allah Most High doesn’t take us to account for accidents and mistakes.
The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,
“Indeed, Allah overlooks for my community mistakes, forgetfulness, and what is done under duress.” [Ibn Maja, Bayhaqi]
Remaining Silent Against Falsehood
However, when your mother denied your purchase of this abaya to your father, if you feel that no harm would have resulted from your speaking up, propriety dictates that you should have.
Allah Most High commands the righteous treatment of the parents in many places in the Quran. This is due to the gratitude that Allah requires of us for those things or people He places as means for His blessings to manifest. He has manifested the blessing of your existence through your parents.
Allah Most High says,
“For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. And be humble with them out of mercy, and pray, “My Lord! Be merciful to them as they raised me when I was young.” [Quran; 17:23-4]
Seek forgiveness of Allah Most High and truthfully explain to your father that you purchased the abaya without realizing it was against his wishes. If you fear harm would come about from this, privately get rid of the abaya, either by returning it or by giving it in charity. This is solely in pursuit of your father’s contentment, and is not an affront to the abaya itself.
Hope this helps
Allah knows best
[Shaykh] Yusuf Weltch
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Shaykh Yusuf Weltch is a teacher of Arabic, Islamic law, and spirituality. After accepting Islam in 2008, he went on to study at Darul Uloom Seminary in New York and completed his studies at Darul Mustafa in Tarim, Yemen.
There, he completed the memorization of the Quran and his study of Islamic Sciences. Throughout his years of study, he was blessed to learn from many great scholars: Habib Umar bin Hafiz, Habib Kazhim al-Saqqaf, Shaykh ‘Umar bin Husayn al-Khatib, and others.
Upon returning, he joined the SeekersGuidance faculty in the summer of 2019.
