How to Handle Frustration and Embarrassment During the Prayer?

Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad

Question

Is my prayer valid if my baby hair shows due to my prayer gown’s fit? I feel frustrated and embarrassed when praying—how should I handle this?

Answer

Thank you for your question. You should look inwards and figure out why you feel frustrated and embarrassed during prayer and strive to eliminate that feeling.

Humility and Awe

Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,

“Successful indeed are the believers—those who humble themselves in their prayers.” [Quran, 23: 1-2]

And Allah (Most High) has told us in the Quran,

“‘It is truly I. I am Allah! There is no god ˹worthy of worship˺ except Me. So worship Me ˹alone˺, and establish prayer for My remembrance. [Quran, 20:14]

‘Uqba b. ‘Amir said: We served ourselves in the company of the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace). We tended our camels by turn. One day I had my turn to tend the camels, and I drove them in the afternoon. I found the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) addressing the people. I heard him say:

“Anyone amongst you who performs ablution, and does it well, then he stands and offers two rak‘as of prayer, concentrating on it with his heart and body, Paradise will be his lot by all means.”

I said: “Ha-ha! How fine it is!” A man in front of me said: “The action (mentioned by the Prophet) earlier, O ‘Uqba, is finer than this one.” I looked at him and found him to be ‘Umar b. al-Khattab. I asked him: “What is that, O Abu Hafs?” He replied:

“He (the Prophet) had said before you came: If any one of you performs ablution, and does it well, and when he finishes the ablution, he utters the words: I bear witness that there is no deity except Allah, He has no associate, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His Servant and His Messenger, all the eight doors of Paradise will be opened for him; he may enter (through) any of them.”

Mu‘awiya said: Rabi‘a bin Yazid narrated this tradition to me from Abu Idris and the authority of ‘Uqba bin ‘Amir. [Abu Dawud]

Frustration

Do you feel frustrated or embarrassed during prayer because of a lack of focus, doubt, past sins, or feeling unworthy? Allah Most High does not expect perfection, he expects sincerity. He has told us in the Quran,

“(…) Surely Allah loves those who always turn to Him in repentance and those who purify themselves.” [Quran, 2:222]

If you feel unworthy, remember that every believer is worthy because of his faith. The prayer itself is a means of purification and connection with Allah.

• Take steps to reduce distractions around you.
• Don’t strive for perfection; instead, strive for focus.
• Don’t rush through your prayer.
• Make supplication that Allah help improve your prayer, we all should.
• View your prayer as a conversation with Allah, not as a burden.
• Learn the meaning of what you recite in prayer.
• Work on your tajweed if that’s a concern.
• Be patient, and don’t get tired or fed up.

Dua

The Messenger of Allah said:

“Women and perfume have been made dear to me, but my comfort has been provided in prayer.” [Nasa’i]

Make dua that Allah gives you comfort, sincerity, and peace in your prayer, just like our beloved Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace).

”اللّهُـمَّ بِعِلْـمِكَ الغَـيْبِ وَقُـدْرَتِـكَ عَلـى الْخَلقِ أَحْـيِني ما عَلِـمْتَ الحـياةَ خَـيْراً لـي، وَتَوَفَّـني إِذا عَلِـمْتَ الوَفـاةَ خَـيْراً لـي، اللّهُـمَّ إِنِّـي أَسْـأَلُـكَ خَشْيَتَـكَ في الغَـيْبِ وَالشَّهـادَةِ، وَأَسْـأَلُـكَ كَلِمَـةَ الحَـقِّ في الرِّضـا وَالغَضَـب، وَأَسْـأَلُـكَ القَصْدَ في الغِنـى وَالفَقْـر، أَسْـأَلُـكَ نَعـيماً لا يَنْفَـد، وَأَسْـأَلُـكَ قُـرَّةَ عَيْـنٍ لا تَنْـقَطِعْ وَأَسْـأَلُـكَ الرِّضـا بَعْـدَ القَضـاء، وَأَسْـأَلُـكَ بًـرْدَ الْعَـيْشِ بَعْـدَ الْمَـوْت، وَأَسْـأَلُـكَ لَـذَّةَ النَّظَـرِ إِلـى وَجْـهِكَ وَالشَّـوْقَ إِلـى لِقـائِـك، في غَـيرِ ضَـرّاءَ مُضِـرَّة، وَلا فِتْـنَةٍ مُضـلَّة، اللّهُـمَّ زَيِّـنّا بِزينَـةِ الإيـمان، وَاجْـعَلنا هُـداةً مُهْـتَدين.“

“O Allah, by Your Knowledge of the unseen and by Your Power over creation, let me live if You know that life is good for me, and let me die if You know that death is good for me. O Allah, I ask You to grant me fear of You in private and in public. I ask you for the word of truth in times of contentment and anger. I ask You for moderation in wealth and in poverty. I ask you for blessings never ceasing and the coolness of my eye (i.e. pleasure) that never ends. I ask You for pleasure after Your Judgment and I ask You for a life of coolness after death. I ask You for the delight of gazing upon Your Face, and the joy of meeting You, without any harm and misleading trials befalling me. O Allah, dress us with the beauty of Faith and make us guides who are upon (correct) guidance.” [Nasa’i]

Please see your answer here about baby hairs by Shaykh Hamza Karamali: Women’s Hair in Prayer

May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied ‘aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.