Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
I have been in a relationship with a boy for five and a half years. Recently he has started behaving so roughly with me. He said he would marry me at the end of this year. But nowadays, his behavior seems like he doesn’t even want to get married. Is there any du’a that I can pray for him to be calm and patient? Is it halal to make du’a for my boyfriend by taking his name?
Sister, it can’t be easy to be in a relationship with someone who is cold and has not married you. I wonder why you would choose to put yourself in this precarious position.
The first step to ending his rough manner is to leave him. Show Allah that you care about His laws and that you would have nothing if you didn’t have Islam. We would be lower than animals without this guidance, and women would be dating men without regard for decency, destroying the fabric of a healthy society.
Do not even look his way and commit to looking for a better man who is kind to you and provides a roof over your head, the clothes on your back, and the food in your mouth. This is called marriage, and it is your only option that gives you dignity.
Make tawba to Allah for your foolishness and tell your Lord that you will never continue down this wrongful path of ignorance again. You can certainly take his name when you supplicate because Allah already knows you better than you know yourself. Instead of wasting your time on this man, fulfill your obligations by praying, paying zakat on time, and learning your religion to better yourself. Allah, Most High, says, “Only those fear Allah, from among His servants, who have knowledge. Indeed, Allah is Exalted in Might and Forgiving. “[Quran, 35:28]
If you are serious about marrying this man, stop speaking to him and seeing him at once and tell him to come back when he is ready to propose officially and get engaged or go for your nikah. Stop letting him use you for his lust and desires while you get nothing out of it in return. You have given him too much already.
May Allah bless you both in the halal union.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria for two years where she studied aqida, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin, where she completed her Masters in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.