Should I Divorce Because My Child Threatened Suicide?

Answered by Shaykh Irshaad Sedick

Question

A mother is facing a family crisis: her adult daughter suffers from severe suicidal thoughts and self-harm and has threatened to end her life unless her mother divorces her disabled husband (the daughter’s stepfather). Despite medical treatment, Ruqya, and living arrangements that limit contact, the daughter’s condition has not improved.

From an Islamic perspective, is the mother required or encouraged to divorce to potentially save her daughter’s life, or should she remain married while recognizing that the daughter is responsible for her own choices?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I pray that Allah eases this family’s hardship and brings them healing and relief. Amin.

This is a very difficult situation. May Allah reward this mother for her care, patience, and her wish to do what pleases Him.

According to Sacred Law, the mother is not required or encouraged to divorce her husband because of her adult daughter’s threats.

Divorce Under Threat

Sacred Law only requires divorce if staying married causes clear and proven harm. In this case, there is no clear proof that ending the marriage would save the daughter’s life. Sacred Law does not ask someone to end a valid marriage just because of emotional pressure or threats, even if the situation is serious.

Allah (Most High) says: “Divorce is allowed twice. Then either keep her honorably or let her go kindly. It is not lawful for you to take back anything of what you have given them, unless the couple fears that they cannot maintain the limits of Allah.

So if you fear that they cannot keep within the limits of Allah, there is no blame on either of them if the wife compensates the husband to obtain her release.

“These are the limits set by Allah, so do not transgress them. Whoever transgresses the limits of Allah, they are the true wrongdoers.” [Quran, 2:229]

At the same time, it is important to approach this situation with both mercy and practical steps.

Treating the Illness

Severe suicidal thoughts are a medical and psychiatric emergency. The main priorities are:

1. Get immediate and ongoing help from mental health professionals.

2. Make a safety plan with qualified experts.

3. Remove or reduce stress where possible.

4. Set clear emotional boundaries without giving in to harmful ultimatums.

5. If certain situations or interactions make her distress worse, try to adjust them if you can.

6. But this does not mean ending a marriage without a clear reason.

Responsibility

It is also important to remember that while mental illness can affect someone’s responsibility, an adult is still responsible for their own actions. A parent is not legally responsible for every choice an adult child makes, especially if the parent has tried to get help and support.

Allah (Most High) says: “No soul burdens itself except to its own account. And no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another.” [Quran, 6:164]

This mother should not feel that she alone is responsible for stopping her daughter’s actions by getting a divorce. This is not required in Islam.

She should keep seeking professional help, making dua, and staying patient. At the same time, she should protect her own rights and responsibilities in her marriage.

Given the circumstances, we urge the mother to consult reliable local counselors to discuss the specifics of the situation and assist her daughter as soon as possible.

May Allah Most High heal this daughter, bring peace to this home, and guide everyone to make decisions with wisdom instead of fear.

And Allah knows best.

[Shaykh] Irshaad Sedick
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Related Answers

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• Doubts, Difficulties, and Suicidal Thoughts

Shaykh Irshaad Sedick was raised in South Africa in a traditional Muslim family. He graduated from Dar al-Ulum al-Arabiyyah al-Islamiyyah in Strand, Western Cape, under the guidance of the late world-renowned scholar Shaykh Taha Karaan (Allah have mercy on him), who taught there.

Shaykh Irshaad received Ijaza from many luminaries of the Islamic world, including Shaykh Taha Karaan, Shaykh Muhammad Awama, Shaykh Muhammad Hasan Hitu, and Mawlana Abdul Hafeez Makki, among others.

He is the author of the text “The Musnad of Ahmad ibn Hanbal: A Hujjah or not?” He has been the Director of the Discover Islam Center and, for 6 years, the Khatib of Masjid Ar-Rashideen in Mowbray, Cape Town.

Shaykh Irshaad has 15 years of teaching experience at some of Cape Town’s leading Islamic institutes. He is currently building an Islamic podcast, education, and media platform called ‘Isnad Academy’ and has completed his Master’s degree in the study of Islam at the University of Johannesburg. He has a keen interest in healthy Prophetic living and fitness.