Should I Look for a Bride despite My Mother Saying I’m Not Ready?
Shafi'i Fiqh
Answered by Ustadha Shazia Ahmad
Question
I am 18 years old and am, alhamdulillah, working and earning. I want to get married as soon as possible to avoid haram, but my mum says I should wait a few years to understand the world more and become more responsible. She also thinks I should lose some weight before marriage which I understand, but I am constantly fighting with my nafs to avoid haram, I don’t want to upset my mother, but I also feel marriage is necessary for me.
Can I go against her and look for marriage?
Answer
Thank you for your question. May Allah reward you for your pure intention and for being sincerely concerned for your religion.
No Permission Needed
It is permissible for you to go against your mother and look for a girl to marry, but I highly encourage you to involve her in the process for the blessings and joy that come with it. Have a heart-to-heart with her, tell her how important marriage is to you, and try to agree on a timeline mutually.
Prepare for Marriage
Prepare for marriage by taking a course on marriage and reviewing your obligatory knowledge. Hone your conflict resolution skills and serve your parents while you are still with them. Choose well, and pray istikhara to help you be guided to the right person. I remind you and myself of Allah’s words: “O believers! Patiently endure, persevere, stand on guard, and be mindful of Allah so that you may be successful.” [Quran, 3:200]
Related:
Love, Marriage, and Relationships in Islam: All Your Questions Answered
A Guide to Marriage: SeekersGuidance Reader
Marriage in Islam: Practical Guidance for Successful Marriage [Course]
May Allah give you the best of this world and the next.
[Ustadha] Shazia Ahmad
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Ustadha Shazia Ahmad lived in Damascus, Syria, for two years, where she studied aqidah, fiqh, tajweed, tafsir, and Arabic. She then attended the University of Texas at Austin and completed her Master’s in Arabic. Afterward, she moved to Amman, Jordan, where she studied fiqh, Arabic, and other sciences. She later moved back to Mississauga, Canada, where she lives with her family.
