Should You Address a Parent’s Private Misconduct or Stay Silent?
Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel
Question
If I unintentionally saw flirtatious messages my father sent to other women while helping him with technology, and addressing it may cause harm or family discord, what is my Islamic responsibility in this situation?
Answer
In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.
I pray you are in good faith and health. Thank you for your question. This is emotionally difficult, and such issues need to be handled with wisdom.
Silence may actually be the wiser and more Islamically responsible choice, as confronting will lead to conflict, denial, and family tension.
What You Can Do
First, you can make dua for him, asking Allah to protect the marriage and guide him. Increase gentle reminders in general, not directed at him personally. For example, share a talk about the ills of social media, mention a lecture on guarding modesty, or speak generally about issues related to this topic, along with other topics, to indirectly make him realize.
Allah Most High said,
“Invite all to the Way of your Lord with wisdom and kind advice…” [Quran, 16:125]
Abu Sai’d al-Khudari (Allah be pleased with him) said, I heard the Messenger of Allah,
“Whoever among you sees a wrong, let them change it with their hand; if they are unable, then let them change it with their words; and if they are (still) unable, then with their heart, and that is the weakest of faith.” [Muslim]
I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. Insha’Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.
Related: What Are the Conditions for Enjoining Good (Amr bi al-Ma’ruf)?
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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani
Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Currently, he resides in the UK with his wife and is interested in reading and gardening.
