What Is the Right Balance Between Worship Efforts and Family Care?

Answered by Mawlana Ilyas Patel

Question

As a mother of two young children, I feel overwhelmed and unsupported at home while my husband prioritizes spending time in the masjid and going out for tabligh.

Is it more important for him to be away for this work than to help care for his wife and children, and is it really impermissible for him to stay home to support us?

Answer

In the Name of Allah, the Most Merciful and Compassionate.

I suggest you sit down and discuss things with your husband wisely, aiming to find a compromise and a middle ground. He needs to accept that you’re not comfortable with him being gone for four months. You have two young children who require love and attention; perhaps he should consider a shorter duration. Every mother with children is different; some may allow their husbands to leave and cope, and others may not.

Every One of You is a Shepherd

‘Abdullah Ibn ‘Umar (Allah be pleased with him) reported: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said,

“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of the people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family, and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master, and he is responsible for it. Undoubtedly, every one of you is a shepherd and responsible for his flock.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

Fulfilling the Rights of the Self and Others

The Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) established a bond of brotherhood between Salman and Abu Darda’. Salman visited Abu Darda’ and noticed that Umm Darda’ was in a neglected state. He asked her about it, and she replied, “Your brother Abu Darda’ has no interest in the world.”

Later, when Abu Darda’ came, he prepared food for Salman and said, “Eat.” Salman responded, “I am fasting.” Abu Darda’ said, “I will not eat until you eat.” So, Salman ate. When night fell, Abu Darda’ got up to pray, but Salman said, “Sleep,” so he slept. He then tried to get up again, but Salman told him to sleep. Toward the end of the night, Salman said, “Now get up,” and they both prayed. Salman then advised him,

“Indeed, your Lord has a right over you, your own self has a right over you, and your family has a right over you. So, give each one its due right.” They then went to the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) and mentioned this to him, and the Prophet (Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“Salman has spoken the truth.” [Bukhari; Ibn Khuzayma; Ibn Hibban; Tirmidhi]

May Allah (Most High) give us all a life of continuous sound faith and good works, allow us to repent and seek forgiveness when we fail, remember Him with our tongue moist with His remembrance, fulfilling His rights and those of his fellow human beings, and may our end state be with sound faith and good actions. Amin.

I would like you to go through the valuable answers and links below. Insha’Allah, you will receive guidance and direction.

Related: The Path of Muhammad: Birgivi’s Manual of Taqwa Explained 

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I pray this helps with your question.
Wassalam,
[Mawlana] Ilyas Patel
Checked and Approved by Shaykh Faraz Rabbani

Mawlana Ilyas Patel has received a traditional education in various countries. He started his schooling in the UK and completed his hifz of the Quran in India. After that, he joined an Islamic seminary in the UK, where he studied secular and Aalimiyya sciences. Later, he traveled to Karachi, Pakistan, and other Middle Eastern countries to further his education. Mawlana has served as an Imam in the Republic of Ireland for several years and taught the Quran and other Islamic sciences to both children and adults. He also worked as a teacher and librarian at a local Islamic seminary in the UK for 12 years. Presently, he lives in the UK with his wife and is interested in books and gardening.